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Following Their Lead

Five years after my son Kevin died, I decided to write my story in Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way. I wanted to share what I’d learned in hopes that it could help someone else on a similar path or give someone insight to child loss by overdose.

My specific intentions for writing it were to:

  1. Help others who have experienced complicated grief.
  2. Give hope by illustrating the relationship I continue to have with my son.
  3. Showcase the supporting role my dogs played in my healing.

Right after Kevin died in 2015, I was slogging through my grief. I had no interest in the things I did before he died and mostly just spent my time trying to figure out how I was going to live in a world without him in it.

Most people who have grieved a loved one know that grief has a way of slowing life down and lining up priorities. After Kevin died, I was thrust into that slow pace and my two Golden Retrievers, Manny and Tripp, stayed by my side constantly.

One of the few reasons I would even leave my house was to take them for a walk in the woods. Every day the three of us would walk silently along the trails. In my life, before Kevin died, I had always loved walking in nature, but I was also busy with life and would be in more of a hurry to check it off my to-do list. 

During the grief walks, I was moving slowly. Of course, it wasn’t intentional, my grief weighed on me like a lead blanket, forcing me to slow down.

I stopped when Manny and Tripp stopped. I watched them sniff plants and dried pine needles. I’d be walking behind them and they’d turn to check on me, making sure I was still with them. I would hear the water moving in the stream, the birds chirping, the leaves rustling. I looked where they were looking to see what they were seeing.

During these walks, I would have brief moments of feeling calm. I simply walked and observed with my senses. At first, this slow observation practice got me out of my head for short moments and then, they gradually became longer. Looking back now, I can see that I was doing my own version of a walking meditation guided by my dogs.

From the day I learned Kevin had died, my dogs knew there was something wrong. I knew this to be true because their behavior reflected mine. They had both been used to training and exercising 5-6 days per week, but right away they had read my energy and they too became subdued, gentle, and quiet. They spent their days lying alongside me and coming right to me when I’d start sobbing. The fact that they were able to understand my feelings and support me in a way I needed was, and still is, remarkable to me. 

My dogs got me thinking… if they were able to use their senses to understand and communicate with me, then maybe I could connect on some level with Kevin?

What started out as a time to sit with my thoughts and cry in Kevin’s bedroom became so much more. It was during that quiet time of inward contemplation when I started to gain insight into my grief, to connect with Kevin on a spiritual level, and begin the process of healing.

Ultimately it was the relationship with Manny and Tripp that taught me what the first step of my healing journey was. In the beginning, alI I could see was darkness, but they showed me that we don’t necessarily need words to connect.

Through our other senses, we have access to the undeniable, energetic bond that we have with anything we love. It was the bond between a human and two canines that spotlighted the capability of having deep, meaningful relationships where we learn to communicate in a different way.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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Vacations and Puppies

Traditionally when we turn the page on the calendar to February thoughts of Valentines’s Day- candlelight dinners, chocolates, roses and wine come to mind. But for me, the month of February brings thoughts of fish tacos, margaritas and palm trees.

I live in New Hampshire so by the time February rolls around, I am done with the cold temps and snow, ready to head someplace warm. 

For ten days in February, I am on island time without a dog. 

When I have a puppy, I do what I can to ensure they will be able to handle being separated from me with minimal stress. How do I do that? 

  1. Find a trusted dog sitter
  2. Periodically have one night sleepovers at the dog sitter’s house

In general, socializing a puppy is about having good experiences so that they learn to view their world as safe. Socializing puppies dramatically reduces fears and builds resilience helping to ensure a happier life for your dog. 

I have been very fortunate over the years to have had excellent dog sitters. From my retired parents to friends who are dog savvy, all of them have taken my dogs into their homes while I was away. 

It made my vacations so much more relaxing because 

  1. I knew my dogs were not stressed
  2. I knew they were actually having fun (proof is in the video updates) 

My newest dog Rune was a puppy in 2020 during Covid-19 lockdowns. Although I was unable to go on vacation, I still made sure he stayed overnight at several different houses during his first year of puppyhood. Then, at a year old, I boarded him at a kennel facility for two days for the sole purpose of having the experience of playing, eating, sleeping and being groomed away from home.

A few one-night stays during that first year will help make the location more familiar and will make the eventual week-long stay less stressful (and hopefully fun) for them. 

Your dog will be like “I know this place, I’ve been here a few times before, it’s pretty cool!”

The bottom line is, having sleepovers during your puppy’s first year helps normalize the experience. When a puppy is comfortable in their environment they are happier. You will feel good knowing that you have done what you can to help emotionally prepare your puppy (and eventual adult dog) for time spent apart. 

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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What’s New in 2022?

Here’s what’s new for 2022…

I spent most of last year writing my memoir and it is now just nine months away from being released!

The first draft of the manuscript has just gone through the beta reader process and as a result one of the things I’ve decided to tweak is the title. The previous title was: Following Their Lead: A Mother’s Grief and the Dogs that Saved Her. When I finished writing the manuscript I realized that although my dogs played a critical role in my story, they weren’t the entire story. I needed a new title and subtitle that was more directly aligned with the book. What came to me was how I refer to time periods in my life as “before Kevin died and after Kevin died”. Since this story mostly takes place after my son Kevin died and the fact my Golden Retrievers, Manny and Tripp had such a large role in my healing process, I decided to rename the book:

Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way

This is my memoir that tells of how I ultimately find peace after my 25-year-old son Kevin’s death from an accidental overdose in 2015. The sequence of events and truths I learned after he died were the compelling factors that guided me to write my experiences down. I knew what I was going through was relatable and if I could help someone with my story, it would give Kevin’s death meaning. Woven throughout the book is the portrayal of the special relationship my dogs and I shared and how they supported me every step of the way.

I knew I had a powerful story but I also knew I needed guidance on how to make it into a powerful book. In January of 2021, I decided to hire a writing guide, Ally Berthiaume𑁋the owner of The Write Place, Right Time. Ally was the exact right person to help me craft my story in a way that was more compelling and inspiring than I knew how to do on my own. She guided me through all of last year and by December I had written 14 chapters and an epilogue, completing the manuscript!

Life After Kevin is a tell-all memoir that spans the five years after his death in 2015 and ends in 2020 with the start of Life with Rune. It balances hard topics such as stigma over how a person dies with the beautiful connection I continue to have with Kevin and the signs he sends me.

This is an inspiring story that will leave you with feelings of connection and hope. It will make you cry but it will also make you laugh and will surely touch the heart of anyone who has loved a dog.

Here is the 2022 timeline for the final steps to the publication of Life After Kevin:

  • January𑁋February: review beta reader’s input, polish/edits of manuscript, add a book page with more details to my website 
  • March: Handoff the manuscript to the publisher
  • April: Book cover design
  • July: Available for preorder!
  • October 3rd: Book available in paperback and ebook format on Amazon and in bookstores!

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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Practical Tips for Having a Holly, Jolly, Accident-Free Holiday with Your Puppy

Rune – Christmas 2021

Last year’s Christmas was during Covid-19 and as a result, I decided to take the year off from decorating. 

We didn’t even put up the Christmas tree. 

Yep, 2020 was a Scrooge-kinda-Christmas, but this year we are back to hosting Christmas dinner with family, complete with a decorated tree. 

Rune is almost two and has never seen a tree with ornaments in the house so I know this will be met with curiosity.

Maybe your new puppy (or two-year-old) will be the same. 

Here are some things to take into consideration.

TIPS FOR THE TREE 

  • If your male puppy is intact, be aware that he could mark (pee) on the tree
  • If your puppy is teething, keep the lights and decorations out of reach
  • Make time to practice “leave it” around the tree
  • Don’t place gifts under the tree until Christmas morning
  • Avoid leaving your puppy unattended with the tree

CAUTION WITH HOLIDAY GREENERY & OTHER SUBSTANCES

Being prepared includes knowing about which Holiday Plants can cause varying degrees of health problems: Holly, Mistletoe, Poinsettias, Lilies, Daffodils, Amaryllis and Christmas Cactus. If your pet has ingested any of these call ASPCA Animal Poison Control phone number for instructions on what to do. A $75.00 consultation fee can apply but some of that fee may be covered if you are enrolled in ASPCA Pet Health Insurance.

When my dog Manny was a puppy, he found my son’s asthma inhaler on his bedside nightstand and punctured the container. It was animal poison control who saved the day when he was in the ER with a racing heart from inhaling a blast of Albuterol. Overnight guests should be reminded to keep any medications up high and off nightstands to avoid potential ingestion.

PEOPLE, FOOD, AND OTHER CONSIDERATIONS FOR GATHERINGS

The days leading up to the big day are busy but it is important to give some thought as to what your puppy/dog’s ability is around guests.  Have a plan as to how you are going to handle when guests arrive and when the meal is served. 

  • If you can’t do it, assign someone to be in charge of the dog when guests arrive. This can mean slipping a leash on him so the person in charge has some control over jumping up, etc. If you don’t have someone to handle the pup it might be best to crate him until someone is free to take the job.
  • Instruct your guest to not feed the pup under the table. 
  • Instruct guests to not leave their toothpicks, food plates and alcoholic beverages unattended on coffee tables. 
  • Put guest coats and purses up high and/or in a room with a closed door. Dogs can forage through pockets and purses grabbing pill bottles, etc.
  • Practice down stays and tethering the pup during mealtime in the weeks leading up to the big day. If he can’t help himself and starts visiting the guests around the table, put him in his crate. 

And just for good measure, here is an additional resource that you may find useful: 3 Ways to Survive the Holidays with Your Dog – wikiHow  

We all want to have a nice time with family and friends during the holidays. Include your pets in as much a part of the day as is safe for him and will keep you out of the ER. We want the holidays to be merry and bright for both you and your pets. 

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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Digging Deep For Gratitude

November is National Gratitude Month and is the perfect time to express who and what we are grateful for. If you want to know why I included this photo to represent my gratitude, keep reading (hint: it’s not what you might think). 

When I was young and complained over small stuff, I heard “be grateful for what you have” from my parents. When I grew up and had kids of my own I said the same thing to them. After all, it is solid advice.

I was grateful for the things I had: my family, my dogs, good health, friends and my material stuff. When things were going well in my life, being grateful was easy but when life got difficult it was not. 

It was in mid-life when I learned that when things aren’t going well I needed to dig deep, really deep, to look for the good because the bad was way too easy to find.

A few years ago I took a 16-hour training course to become a volunteer with Merrimack Home Health and Hospice. It was an incredible experience where I was taught new ways to think about end-of-life moments and care. One day during training we watched a powerful pre recorded interview with 5 terminally ill patients who expressed things they were grateful for. All spoke about being grateful for having the chance to say what was needed to be said to their loved ones: saying I love you to friends and family and getting the chance to express I’m sorry or even to just speak their piece in order to clear the air with those that had rifts with.

But there was one woman’s unusual comment I will never forget. She was in palliative care and in the final weeks of her life after having gone through chemo and radiation for her cancer treatment. She said at the top of her list of things she was grateful for was indoor plumbing.

The camera was on her but you could hear the man interviewing her. There was surprise, or maybe confusion, in his voice when he repeated, “Indoor plumbing?”

Now, I’m paraphrasing this next part, but she said she was so sick from the chemo and radiation and was so thankful she had her own bathroom. If she lived in another part of the world she might not have had that luxury. 

That is digging deep for gratitude.

So back to the above photo. 

This photo of Tripp and I was taken on September 27, 2015, at the Golden Retriever Club of America National Specialty. It was a Sunday. I couldn’t wait to call my son Kevin to tell him Tripp got his fifth and final pass to earn the title of AKC Master Hunter. Kevin loved the dogs and was one of our biggest cheerleaders.

Kevin lived on the west coast so, between work, his social life, and the time difference (I live on the east coast) catching him on the phone was usually tricky. 

I called him that evening and as luck would have it I caught him just as he was heading out for the evening with friends. He was delighted, giving a throaty laugh just before he said “Great job, Mom!”. We talked for a few more minutes and we ended the call both saying “I love you” to each other.

He died five days later.

It took time and a lot of practice to find things to be grateful for when I was in the midst of so much pain but it did happen. Whenever I find something new to be grateful for, I write it down in my journal which I can say is now many pages deep.

Every time I look at this picture I think of our phone call and can still hear his voice saying I love you. For that, that one simple three-word sentence, that one short phone call, and so much more I am grateful.

What are you grateful for? Where can you dig deep? 

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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Communicating with Loved Ones on the Other Side of the Veil

On this day six years ago my son Kevin passed away. Ever since, I’ve been committed to learning how to continue our relationship –albeit in a different way.

I was receiving some undeniable signs from Kevin but I wanted to hear more. I needed validation that signs from the deceased were even possible. Could we still be connected or was it wishful thinking on my part? 

I mean it felt like him. 

The signs that I had received were either funny (just like him), or as an answer to a question I asked him, or just a perfectly timed hello. Like the day I was alone talking to him while setting up the Christmas tree. 

I had felt him give me a nudge to set up the tree for him. After the tree was all set up, I stood looking at it and got the urge to check the attic for more ornaments. It seemed like there were some missing. 

I went up to the attic but couldn’t find another box. I can’t explain why but I opened the box marked Christmas wrapping paper. Surely there wouldn’t be any ornaments inside with the paper and ribbons.

Yet, sitting on top of the rolls of paper was the penguin ornament Kevin had given me when he was a teenager. The penguin was waving, standing on a cloud, with a small red jingle bell hanging off it. Inside the cloud, it said Merry Christmas, Mom! (See photo of the Kevin Tree). 

I felt all those urges from him guiding me with little bread crumbs so I could find that ornament wishing me a Merry Christmas. Our first Christmas without him.

Fast forward a couple of years when I became involved with Helping Parents Heal, a support group for parents who have had a child or children pass. They openly discussed the afterlife and signs from our kids. 

At one of the meetings, they had a spiritual medium as a guest speaker to give the audience a better idea of what they do. She referred to loved ones in spirit as being on the other side of the veil. She said “Even though we are unable to see them like we used to, their energy is still around us. Love never dies.” 

I was ready. I did some research and booked a reading.

While my intent is not to try and convince anyone to seek out a medium, I’d like to share one of my experiences that proved to me that, without a doubt, Kevin is around me and listening. 

Most mediums will tell you that our loved ones who have crossed can hear us when we talk to them and not to worry, they are not too busy to reply! They respond to us in a way we can understand if we slow down enough to notice what snags our attention.  

In those early days of grief after Kevin died, it was my dogs Manny and Tripp who were the only ones who were able to reach me. They were the ones who showed me how to move forward which is explained in more detail in my upcoming memoir: Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way coming out in 2022. 

It was two years after Kevin’s passing when I had to make the agonizing decision to have Tripp euthanized. He was in renal failure at six years old and he was letting me know it was time to say goodbye. 

I sat on the floor of the vet office and held his head in my lap and stroked his head. I started talking to Kevin out loud asking him to promise me he would welcome Tripp and take care of him until I got there. 

I said, “Kev, please send me a sign letting me know he’s safe with you.” 

Tripp was six years old when he died.

He took his last breath in my arms and I heard myself saying out loud. “Please send me a… a daisy. A daisy to let me know you have him.”

The idea for the daisy seemed to come out of nowhere. It just popped into my head. 

It was the middle of winter and I thought “Where am I gonna see a daisy?” 

A few days later I reminded Kevin about the daisy and I was looking forward to hearing from him. That afternoon I picked up a book I had been reading and the last line of the chapter was “Whoops a daisy!”. 

Every day for a week I got a daisy as a sign. The last daisy I received was on the front of the sympathy card my veterinarian sent me.

I had booked a reading with a medium named Tina several months before Tripp had died and it happened to be scheduled shortly after he passed. The night before the reading I sat alone in my room and asked Kevin out loud to please bring Tripp when he showed up for the reading with Tina. 

“Kev, make sure you bring Tripp. Please don’t forget.”

I was really pressing the issue and realized I needed to make sure Kevin knew I wanted him there too. 

I laughed and said, “Kev, it goes without saying that I want you to show up too!”

I had this conversation right before I turned the light out and went to sleep. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my husband about our “conversation.”

Here are some of the specific lines from the reading I had with Tina the very next day (which I have in a recording):

“Do you know why… I know this sounds really wild, but do you know why daisies are important? They are showing me a field of daisies.”

“You have a lot of animal energy around you and you have a child showing me the daisies as a conformation to something.”

“You talk to your son all the time. You have an ongoing communication that you are really trusting.”

“What is with the daisies?! He’s showing me daisies again.”

“He’s laughing, he’s saying you almost miss the dog more than him right now. He says there is some truth to this statement and you were hoping an animal would come through today. Trust me, this does not happen in every reading!”

“He’s laughing,” she says and cups her hands like she’s holding a megaphone and says, ‘He says he’s got the dog!’”

While some may think I might have been offended by her relaying missing the dog more than my son, the fact was I did feel a little guilty that I had come across that way when talking to Kevin the night before. It would be just like him to call me out on it and make a joke of it. 

I felt so light and peaceful afterward. That reading validated what I already knew which was that I am being heard and he does respond with signs.

 
To honor Kevin I created a Kevin Tree that is on display 365 days per year in my kitchen, the heart of my home. I’ve placed items that were special to him, some that represent moments we’ve shared together and special items that represent some of the incredible signs he has given me over the years. It is a living testament to the relationship we continue to share and a reminder that love never dies.

The Kevin Tree

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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Socializing a Puppy During a Pandemic – 18 Months Later

For the past 25 years, I’ve held the popular belief that puppies should physically meet LOTS of people during the first few months of life but my latest puppy Rune came home during the COVID-19 lockdowns so that wasn’t possible. Like a lot of my fellow puppy parents out there, I was concerned about how this would affect him long-term.  

The Golden Retriever breed is well known for its outgoing, friendly temperament and although I knew socializing a puppy is so much more than just meeting humans and canines, this was unchartered waters.

One aspect of training during the pandemic that I hadn’t considered was the benefit of my puppy not being allowed to greet every person he saw. 

To be clear, young puppies absolutely need to meet people so they aren’t fearful around people. Check out this short checklist on some ideas for socializing a puppy while socially distancing here. Rune had met people in my COVID safe circle, but not nearly the amount of people my other dogs had. Time would tell if just seeing people doing ordinary things would be beneficial toward socializing. 

Fast forward 18 months in this forced social experiment and what I’ve learned is that even though he didn’t physically meet (actually being petted by) lots of people during those first few months, it had zero effect on how comfortable he is around people. The flipside is that social distancing limited the number of opportunities to practice teaching an enthusiastic puppy how to properly greet people- but this is a topic for a different day!

Let’s dig a little deeper into why seeing people in action worked so well during the early socialization phase. 

Part of the reason is related to genetics and another part is related to the early socialization that took place while the puppy was still with his littermates. Answering these questions will provide some insight: 

  • Is the puppy’s breed outgoing in temperament? 
  • Were the puppy’s parents friendly?
  • Was the puppy socialized to different sights and sounds when he was with the breeder? 
  • Did he have ample human interaction when the puppy was with his littermates?

Another part is determined by the puppy as an individual and his response to people. 

  • Is the puppy consistently comfortable and happy to be around his human family? 
  • Does the puppy have the same friendly response to people outside the family? 
  • Does the puppy try to initiate greeting a new person on his own?  

During pre-pandemic times with my previous dogs, there were many times strangers would approach me so they could get in a puppy cuddle. Most people can’t resist a little, fluffy puppy toddling along but once that puppy reaches 40 pounds or more, the number of people interested decreases dramatically. During the first months when the puppy is small, the puppy is rewarded repeatedly with petting and attention, so by adolescence, they have learned they are rewarded for approaching strangers. 

By the time my previous puppies were around six months old I had to reteach them not to approach every person they saw. In their mind, greeting strangers had been a green light for the first six months of their life so naturally they were confused when the rules had suddenly changed.  

This story of Rune in the spring of 2020 illustrates the benefit of limited greetings as a young puppy while on a walk:

When Rune was about 4 months old we were walking on a trail in the woods. He was dragging his long line and was about 15 feet in front of me when he saw a man riding his bike toward us.

As soon as Rune saw the man on the bike he automatically sat and continued to watch the man approach. 

The man stopped and expressed his surprise at how well behaved he was for such a young puppy.

Rune had seen moving bikes previously, so I wasn’t surprised he wasn’t afraid but I was surprised that he didn’t go bounding over to the man, that is until I thought about it. The fact was, Rune had never been allowed to approach a stranger on the trail. What he had learned was to sit and stay while people passed us when walking in public. 

Raising a puppy during the pandemic highlighted an area where I could be more consistent. I never ended up needing to change the rules for Rune once he became an adolescent as I did with my other dogs. From the time he was 8 weeks old I was teaching him to sit and wait while people and dogs passed us. 

Hopefully, by the time I get another puppy, social distancing will be a thing of the past and we won’t be limited with our socializing opportunities. When that happens, I will aim to strike more of a balance when socializing with new people during those first six months. How my puppy handles the interactions will be more of a guide as to how many people he meets versus allowing an all-access pass with the public.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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Remembering With More Love Than Pain

A friend of mine once told me “If something seems beyond your capability right now, save it for your future self”.

When my son Kevin died of an accidental overdose on October 3, 2015, my life was shattered. Just thinking of him brought on feelings of unimaginable pain. Desperate for peace, I embarked on a deep dive into a spiritual journey where I learned about myself, the afterlife, and how to bring forth Kevin’s essence in all that I do. Little did I know my dogs would also be a huge part of my healing.

In my upcoming memoir: Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way, I talk about the moment I had my first shift. 

It was a few months after Kevin had passed. I was putting my shoes on and asked my dogs out loud “Do you guys wanna go for a walk?” Tripp’s face had an expression much like Scooby-Doo anticipating a Scooby snack.  

I reacted with a giggle for the first time in months and it felt good. 

Eventually, I was able to think of Kevin with more love than pain. Even the times when he was on the edge of being naughty are funny to me now. When he was in kindergarten, I remember him testing our patience with a couple of swears. I had read in a parenting book not to make it into a big deal. 

“Mommy, is dammit a swear?” 
“Um, Yes, Kev, it’s a swear”
“OK, so I shouldn’t say dammit, right Mommy?”
“No, you shouldn’t”
OK, Mommy, I won’t say dammit anymore”.

Then there was the middle finger discussion sometime around six years old.

“Daddy, is this a swear?” Kevin asked while pointing just his middle finger to the side.
“Well, not really, but it’s not nice”.
“Ok, is this a swear?” pointing his middle finger down toward the floor.
“No, but it’s not nice Kev, so you shouldn’t do it”.
“But this is a swear, right?”, slowly turning his middle finger up.
“Yes, Kev, that is a swear”.
“OK, but not this way, right?”, quickly turning his middle finger to the side hoping to offset any trouble he might have gotten into by pointing it up.

Humor was the very essence of Kevin and when I laugh I can feel him laughing with me.

Kevin Lynch (8/3/1990 – 10/3/2015)

Dr. Melissa Morks talks about laughter and grief in this 3-minute video. In her bereavement therapy with clients, she will ask them “What did you do with your loved one for fun? What did they do to make you smile?” 

She says, “When we focus on how we enjoyed each other we feel closer to them”.

When a loved one dies, there’s no way around the pain. But, after we’ve cried an ocean of tears, we can start to participate in our healing. We can teach ourselves to look for the small seeds of love that help us shift just a little bit. Love can be whatever feels good: a giggle, the companionship of our dog, or a sign from our loved one. These seeds of love are small rays of light that act as breadcrumbs, leading us out of the darkness and toward our future selves. 


Today, my mantra is Joy and laughter are in alignment with my true nature and I honor Kevin by openly expressing them.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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A Dog’s Emotional Health

I don’t like math. 

When I was six years old my first-grade teacher, Ms. T., stood by my desk and berated me in front of the whole class when I started counting on my fingers to get the answer to a math problem. She had expected me to do it in my head. 

As a result, I spent a lot of time in class being afraid of getting the answer wrong.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t learn math, or that doing it was going to physically hurt me, the problem was that early negative experience. 

My negative experience + at an impressionable age = negative emotions around math. 

And it stuck.

Dogs may never have fear around math, but they can be fearful around ordinary sights and sounds like a bag blowing across a parking lot or the beeping sound of a truck backing up. 

Most of us have seen a dog express emotions of love, joy, excitement, playfulness and contentment. On the flip side, they also can feel and express anxiety, anger, shyness and fear. 

In an excerpt from the book, Animals in Translation , animal behaviorist, Dr. Temple Grandin Ph. D, says “Fear is so bad for animals I think it’s worse than pain.”

Small amounts of short-term stress are an inevitable part of life, but when it’s prolonged or recurring, it becomes detrimental to the dog’s emotional health.

When a dog perceives he is being threatened, harmed, or attacked it sets off a physiological reaction called the “fight or flight” response. If the dog is unable to escape the situation he may switch to fight mode. The intensity of either response can vary depending on the circumstances and prior history. 

Fight responses:
– Barking
– Lunging
– Attacking/Biting

Flight responses:
– Cowering
– Running away
– Hiding
– Freezing

The good news is we have the ability to dramatically reduce what a dog perceives as scary. 

8 week old puppy + begin socializing = A happier puppy and adult dog!

Learn 3 things that will influence your puppy’s happiness here.

If my 1st-grade teacher had handled things differently, would I have grown up to have a career in numbers? Probably not… and luckily for me, dogs don’t need to learn math.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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