You can never know at what point your memories will need to last a lifetime.
Hi, I’m Susan. I am the mother of two deceased sons.
In 2015, my son Kevin died from multiple drug intoxication and in 2023, my son Matthew died by suicide after a decade-long battle with mental illness.
After years of grief work, I found the resources and tools needed to turn my grief journey into a healing journey.
Today, I speak to audiences on navigating the grief and stigma after adult child loss to overdose and suicide.
Mine is a big story with a big message.
I plant seeds of hope so those grieving will know that even after unimaginable losses, we can move forward with our hearts full of hope, peace, and even joy.
For booking and more information please see my speaker sheet.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves
~Viktor Frankl
At some point, we will experience challenges in our personal life. The loss of a loved one ranks right at the top of life’s stressors. I was 48 when my son Kevin died unexpectedly. His death left me feeling broken beyond repair. When the toxicology report came back listing the cause of death as multiple drug intoxication I felt utterly alone.
I remember wondering if my life was just going to be something to endure.
The stigma surrounding overdose was everywhere. Would my son only be remembered by how he died? If I did share that he had died, I would deliberately leave out the cause of death. About 98% of the time it would be met with “Oh my God, I am so sorry” with a brief pause before the questions, “What happened?” and “How did he die?” would start. These seemingly innocent questions would have me stumbling around trying to come up with a vague answer like “We aren’t really sure…”
My inner dialogue was critical. How could I not know he had used opioids? I was his Mom, how could I have let this happen? At what point did I do the wrong thing? The shame I felt toward myself was as if I had made some fatal error as a parent. As a result, I kept his cause of death a secret for 2 years- from my parents, family, friends- everyone. And for two years, I was inadvertently feeding my shame with the 3 things it needed to flourish: judgment, silence, and secrecy.
Until it all imploded.
That was the point I hit a crossroads. I could keep hiding (which was clearly not working for me) or I could start talking about it. I knew I couldn’t be the only one feeling like this. I started thinking maybe my story could be helpful to someone else.
I wanted to shine a light on the stigma surrounding overdose to create understanding and empathy toward those grieving a stigmatized loss. I also wanted to spread hope in knowing that you can connect with your loved ones and that finding peace and purpose after loss is possible.
We must be active participants in our healing process.
In 2022, I decided to share it all in my memoir, Life After Kevin; A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way. As I wrote the book, I kept you in mind with the sincere hope that you find peace along your own journey by walking along with me on mine.
I invite you to explore my site to learn more. To discuss speaking engagements, please reach out here.
