Tag: emotional health

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Shining a Light on the Stigma of Overdose

The CDC estimates more than 107,000 people died of a drug overdose in the 12-month period ending August 2022.

These are staggering numbers but when someone you love dies from an overdose, it is no longer just a statistic.

It becomes very personal.

My 25-year-old son Kevin died in 2015 from an accidental overdose. 

I couldn’t tell people he died without the person asking me questions.

Kevin and Susan in 2009, college move-in day 

From the bereaved family’s perspective, it feels like anyone who asks “What happened?” wants to leapfrog over the fact their loved one just died. 

Stigma complicates grief and adds to isolation. At a time when families need the most support, they end up suffering in silence for fear of judgment. 

I write about my personal struggle with this stigma and what I went through to heal in my memoir Life After Kevin. 

If there is one thing I’d want people to take away from my own journey, it is this:

Shame is the emotion we feel due to the stigma surrounding how a person dies. Shame keeps families suffering in silence. 

In light of Overdose Awareness, and all those who have lost someone this way, I’m offering my own suggestions of the do’s and don’ts when you know someone who has experienced the death of a loved one from an overdose.

What NOT to do:

  • If the cause of death isn’t made known, that’s intentional. Do not ask probing questions about the cause of death or what happened. 
  • Never begin a sentence with  “At least” or “You should”.  At least you have other children, At least he had 25 beautiful years, You should keep busy, You should be past this by now…
  • Don’t judge the situation or family. Period. 

What TO do:

  • When someone tells you their loved one died, give them your condolences and PAUSE. Hold the space by expressing your sympathy and compassion. Let them know you are there for them. 
  • Respect the family’s right to privately come to terms with their circumstances. If they want to talk, just listen. 
  • If you knew the person who died, consider sharing verbally or writing out a memory or favorite quality about them. 

When we think in terms of “good” and “bad” ways to die, we inadvertently minimize the value of the person’s life. Let’s give the families our support by rethinking our responses. 

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Gifts: In and Out of the Box

As long as there are moose antlers (the tender tops), large Huggle Hound balls, and a couple of fleece Lambchop toys in my dog’s toybox, they’re happy campers.

Of course, their toybox is full of other toys that are met with a “meh” attitude but I can’t bring myself to toss them because I think: maybe someday they’ll play with them.

But one of the things I’ve learned from watching my dogs play is that they only engage with what they find fun or interesting.

In this season of my life, I am learning more and more to join them in that mindset. As I watch Ripple wade through the “meh” toys to find a treasure, I think, he’ll know it when he finds it.  

But on this particular day, whatever he was looking for wasn’t in the box. 

Sometimes what we are searching for requires us to look “outside the box.”

Life changes as we get older. We go from parenting small children to being empty nesters. We have career changes and relationship changes.

So, why wouldn’t our interests shift? 

After my son Kevin died, I tried going back to competition dog sports. It had been a passion of mine for over 20 years, but the competing part just wasn’t working for me anymore. I knew my dogs were still going to be a huge part of my life but I felt I needed to pivot. I started thinking maybe volunteering with them might be a better fit.

And it was.

Being a therapy dog team with my dog Manny made me feel good. 

By focusing on my core interests, I could tweak, or add little things to redefine what interests me and brings me joy 

  • saying yes to a Beagle puppy 
  • taking a class 
  • writing and speaking about what I’ve learned

Making small out of the box shifts led to a couple of BIG ones that also made me feel good

New seasons in life bring an opportunity to try on your old life and see what still fits. Is what you’ve been doing for X number of years still fun? 

If the answer is YES, then yippee!

If you’re thinking ‘not so much’ or ‘no, it’s not fun anymore’ then it might be time to look outside the box for ways to pivot, or to try something new. Find what brings you joy in this season of your life and see what gifts come.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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Do You Know About National Kevin Day?

October 3rd is the BIG DAY and we are celebrating!!! 

This is the day my memoir, Life After Kevin; A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way, will be released.

It is also the seventh year anniversary of Kevin’s passing.

Why would I choose this day, of all days, to release it?

Because I wanted it to be a reminder that I can create opportunities to spread hope even on the hardest of days. 

One of the many things I’ve learned since Kevin has passed is that I need to make the decision to be open to experiencing joy and celebration.

You’ll need to read the book to know how it all happened, but what I can tell you is that Kevin, Manny and Tripp guided me every step of the way. 

They helped me understand that although it is important to grieve, it is also important to say YES to joy when it comes. 

The epilogue’s message and title idea came from Kevin. When he was little he would say “How about yes?” when he wanted something and wasn’t sure how I would answer.

I use how about yes as my litmus test to see how something I’m considering feels in my gut. The October 3rd date felt like a yes.

Shortly after I decided, I called my publisher to give her the date, and I learned that every October 3rd is National Kevin Day!

That was my thumbs-up sign from Kevin he was happy I was inviting some light into a day that has been dark for several years. 

And being able to say YES to that is certainly something to celebrate!

I never forget on October 3rd was the day I lost my son. 

I never forget how hard those first days or years were. 

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t trade to have him back. 

But in the last seven years since his passing, I’ve made a choice to welcome joy. 

I’ve made a choice that October 3rd won’t just be a day to acknowledge my loss, but to honor Kevin’s life and to celebrate all that he was and all that he gave to the world. 

Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to honor all who Kevin was than the way he’s captured in Life After Kevin. 

Because of his presence in this book, he gets to live on a little longer and continue to make a positive impact on this world.  

Here are some additional things we are excited about:

  • The three Signature talks I’ve created to present in person or online are based on the themes of my book:  
    1. Human-Canine connection: How dogs help us in times of grief
    2. Continued Love & Connection Across the Veil: 10 ways to nurture a relationship with deceased loved ones
    3. Hiding No More: Shining a light on stigma
  • The Golden Retriever Club of America’s two-page review of Life After Kevin in the next issue of the GRNews magazine!
  • An online Zoom book launch party on October 11th at 7:00 pm EST! And you’re invited!
    Grab your favorite adult beverage and join us on Zoom for some fun. My book coach Ally will be emceeing our time together where I will be sharing behind-the-scenes details, some of my favorite passages and inspiring takeaways. We will also have audience Q&A and giveaways!

Link to join the party on Zoom: http://www.susan-lynch.com/launchpartyzoom

  • The impactful reader reviews that have been coming in:

“I introduced a friend with serious health issues to your story and gave her your book. Your gift goes beyond the story of losing a child. My friend is finding peace about life and loss as she reads your book. Thank you. ♥️” -Deb

“…a gift to the world!” -Katherine

“…This book is for anyone that has a deep connection to their pets. It is also for anyone who believes or wants to believe, in signs from a loved one who has crossed over from this earth. -Sarah

I hope that on October 3rd you’ll be asking yourself your own “How about yes?” to something in your life you’re pondering and choose to include some joy even when life is unpredictable and hard.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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Following Their Lead

Five years after my son Kevin died, I decided to write my story in Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way. I wanted to share what I’d learned in hopes that it could help someone else on a similar path or give someone insight to child loss by overdose.

My specific intentions for writing it were to:

  1. Help others who have experienced complicated grief.
  2. Give hope by illustrating the relationship I continue to have with my son.
  3. Showcase the supporting role my dogs played in my healing.

Right after Kevin died in 2015, I was slogging through my grief. I had no interest in the things I did before he died and mostly just spent my time trying to figure out how I was going to live in a world without him in it.

Most people who have grieved a loved one know that grief has a way of slowing life down and lining up priorities. After Kevin died, I was thrust into that slow pace and my two Golden Retrievers, Manny and Tripp, stayed by my side constantly.

One of the few reasons I would even leave my house was to take them for a walk in the woods. Every day the three of us would walk silently along the trails. In my life, before Kevin died, I had always loved walking in nature, but I was also busy with life and would be in more of a hurry to check it off my to-do list. 

During the grief walks, I was moving slowly. Of course, it wasn’t intentional, my grief weighed on me like a lead blanket, forcing me to slow down.

I stopped when Manny and Tripp stopped. I watched them sniff plants and dried pine needles. I’d be walking behind them and they’d turn to check on me, making sure I was still with them. I would hear the water moving in the stream, the birds chirping, the leaves rustling. I looked where they were looking to see what they were seeing.

During these walks, I would have brief moments of feeling calm. I simply walked and observed with my senses. At first, this slow observation practice got me out of my head for short moments and then, they gradually became longer. Looking back now, I can see that I was doing my own version of a walking meditation guided by my dogs.

From the day I learned Kevin had died, my dogs knew there was something wrong. I knew this to be true because their behavior reflected mine. They had both been used to training and exercising 5-6 days per week, but right away they had read my energy and they too became subdued, gentle, and quiet. They spent their days lying alongside me and coming right to me when I’d start sobbing. The fact that they were able to understand my feelings and support me in a way I needed was, and still is, remarkable to me. 

My dogs got me thinking… if they were able to use their senses to understand and communicate with me, then maybe I could connect on some level with Kevin?

What started out as a time to sit with my thoughts and cry in Kevin’s bedroom became so much more. It was during that quiet time of inward contemplation when I started to gain insight into my grief, to connect with Kevin on a spiritual level, and begin the process of healing.

Ultimately it was the relationship with Manny and Tripp that taught me what the first step of my healing journey was. In the beginning, alI I could see was darkness, but they showed me that we don’t necessarily need words to connect.

Through our other senses, we have access to the undeniable, energetic bond that we have with anything we love. It was the bond between a human and two canines that spotlighted the capability of having deep, meaningful relationships where we learn to communicate in a different way.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

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