Of course, their toybox is full of other toys that are met with a “meh” attitude but I can’t bring myself to toss them because I think: maybe someday they’ll play with them.
But one of the things I’ve learned from watching my dogs play is that they only engage with what they find fun or interesting.
In this season of my life, I am learning more and more to join them in that mindset. As I watch Ripple wade through the “meh” toys to find a treasure, I think, he’ll know it when he finds it.
But on this particular day, whatever he was looking for wasn’t in the box.
Sometimes what we are searching for requires us to look “outside the box.”
Life changes as we get older. We go from parenting small children to being empty nesters. We have career changes and relationship changes.
So, why wouldn’t our interests shift?
After my son Kevin died, I tried going back to competition dog sports. It had been a passion of mine for over 20 years, but the competing part just wasn’t working for me anymore. I knew my dogs were still going to be a huge part of my life but I felt I needed to pivot. I started thinking maybe volunteering with them might be a better fit.
And it was.
Being a therapy dog team with my dog Manny made me feel good.
By focusing on my core interests, I could tweak, or add little things to redefine what interests me and brings me joy
saying yes to a Beagle puppy
taking a class
writing and speaking about what I’ve learned
Making small out of the box shifts led to a couple of BIG ones that also made me feel good
New seasons in life bring an opportunity to try on your old life and see what still fits. Is what you’ve been doing for X number of years still fun?
If the answer is YES, then yippee!
If you’re thinking ‘not so much’ or ‘no, it’s not fun anymore’ then it might be time to look outside the box for ways to pivot, or to try something new. Find what brings you joy in this season of your life and see what gifts come.
Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin:A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here. To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com.
For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook groupand click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.
My son Kevin used to say “How about yes?” when he was little and was trying to keep me from saying “no.” I now ask myself how about yes when making a decision so I can see how it feels in my gut before saying noIcannotpossiblydothat.
As a result, I’ve said yes more often which has resulted in some really wonderful experiences.
My latest “how about yes” decision happened this summer when I brought my first Beagle puppy home. I’ve always loved the breed’s looks, size, and funny temperament, but I have shied away from getting one for years because I heard they were untrainable.
For the record, all my puppies up until now have been Golden Retrievers and a Pembroke Corgi. Regardless of breed, I always teach them:
Impulse control (e.g. wait before eating meals, coming out of the crate, etc.)
Come when called
Sit/down stays
Walking nicely on a leash
After I brought the Beagle home, I had more than a few people tell me “Beagles are not trainable like a Golden.”
And you know what? They were right! A Beagle is different from a Golden Retriever because Beagles were bred to do different things. However, that doesn’t make them untrainable.
Contrary to the independent tendencies of Beagles, I’ve also learned they are quick learners and very affectionate. They like to jump and mine likes to toss his toys in the air. Beagle fans describe their personality as “merry” which is the perfect description!
Ripple @ 6 months old being his merry self
The American Kennel Club (AKC) has a Breed Trait & Characteristics chart for every recognized purebred dog breed. Understanding a breed’s purpose can help tremendously with understanding what their behavior tendencies will be, which helps in our approach to training them.
Beagles, for example, are scent hounds bred to work in packs to help humans hunt rabbits. They have been bred for this purpose for several hundred years so it’s hardwired in them!
The question becomes, what general information can we get about our dogs from what they were bred to do? In the case of Ripple, I can glean that Beagles:
are good with other dogs
work independently from humans
are going to follow their nose
I can use this information to make certain adjustments when training Ripple versus how I’ve trained Rune and every Golden Retriever before him. Ripple wouldn’t come to me when I was on the floor with my arms open like Rune would. I needed to make sure I was doing something interesting so Ripple would want to come over to investigate. For example, I might drag a stuffed toy on the ground to get him curious which works with their desire to chase small animals.
Of course, every puppy is different. When Rune was seven months old, I would let him drag his long-line attached to his harness because he had a pretty consistent recall by then. Ripple is now seven months old but because the breed’s tendency is to follow its nose and run, I am still holding onto it. Given more practice, Ripple will also have a reliable recall.
With some background on your breed of choice, some flexibility, and patience, you can better train your puppy to meet your lifestyle needs. Follow along with the training of my Beagle puppy “Ripple” in the Life with Rune Facebook group.
Ripple @ 11 weeks old
If you dig a little deeper into a breed, you can learn about the purpose of the physical characteristics of their structure, coat, tail, ears, and size which helps add more color to your understanding.
Did you know these Beagle fun facts?
The purpose of their long ears is to stir up tiny scent molecules near the ground and act to “sweep” the scent toward their nose.
Beagles make a lot of noise called baying when chasing rabbits so the hunter can follow the pack even when they’re out of sight.
A Beagle’s white-tipped tail is known as a “flag” because it is easy to spot in tall grass and vegetation.
Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin:A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here. To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com.
For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook groupand click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.
I often hear people say they find it harder to train their puppy when they reach about six months old.
Six months is around the time when the puppy is pretty close to adult size, stronger and impulsive.
I’ve heard it many times “My six-month-old puppy acts like she’s forgotten most of what I’ve taught her the past few months!”
“That is really common for this age,” I’ll say reassuringly and follow up with a pep talk reminding them to “be consistent and don’t take it personally”. In other words, their puppy is becoming a teenager.
They look at me, suddenly deflated upon hearing the “teenager” reference. I will then ask them to remember why they got a puppy in the first place.
What was the motivation that made you want to get a dog?
For some, it’s the beloved memory of a dog from their childhood. For others, it’s for companionship. Some want their kids to grow up with a dog.
These were my reasons for wanting a dog when I became an adult.
I grew up twenty minutes outside of Boston, in Burlington, Massachusetts. Back in the ‘70s, it was a small town whose biggest attraction was the Burlington Mall. The town has since exploded with office buildings, restaurants and people but there is, however, a jewel in the south end of town that is still protected called Mary Cummings Park.
In the 1930s, Mary P. C. Cummings donated a 216-acre parcel of land to the city of Boston (and funds to maintain it) located in Burlington and Woburn, MA. When I was a kid, I would accompany my dad and our young golden retriever, Barney, to Cummings Park to teach Barney how to work the cover to flush wild pheasants.
Fun fact: My dad and Barney were in Yankee Golden Retriever Club’s field classes in the late 70s and because of what he shared with me as a kid, I took YGRC’s field classes with my first dog in the mid-90s and became hooked on the sport. It has come full circle as I am now one of the co-instructors for YGRC’s 2022 field classes!
According to my dad, there was a sponsored program for kids to grow vegetable gardens in the summer. When autumn came, the corn that wasn’t picked became great feed for the animals. Dad would point out the deer and fox tracks in the mud and we’d often come across large circles of grass that had been flattened from deer bedding down. Those walks with my dad and Barney made the nature around me come to life.
Fast forward to when I became a mother, I wanted my own kids to have a love of nature and fond memories of their childhood dogs. My kids were six and four years old, so too young to take the brunt of the training that had to be done when our first puppy came home in 1995. I knew the responsibility of our puppy, Bailey, would fall upon me.
Was it a lot? Sure. Raising two young boys and a puppy at the same time was sometimes frustrating. The puppy grew much faster and weighed more than both of them by the puppy’s first birthday. I was also teaching my kids how to be around the puppy and give basic commands.
Because the dogs were both well trained, they could come with us on nature hikes.
We eventually got another dog, Luxa, who became Kevin’s favorite. Kevin, Luxa and Bailey Pack Monadnock 2003
Today, I find my motivation still goes back to my love of walking in nature together in the fields and the woods as I did as a kid. I want to be able to have my dog trained and socialized so I can enjoy my dog to the fullest. Somehow sharing the walk with another being who appreciates their surroundings as much as I do makes the walk even better.
Exploring the reason you wanted to get a dog in the first place can be fuel to draw upon when you are lacking in motivation during your puppy’s all-important first year. Puppy training isn’t linear, it can be two steps forward one step backward. Remember, it’s during the first year when you are providing the social and emotional framework to help create a bond between you and your dog that you will cherish for years to come.
Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin:A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here. To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com.
For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook groupand click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.
Five years after my son Kevin died, I decided to write my story in Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way. I wanted to share what I’d learned in hopes that it could help someone else on a similar path or give someone insight to child loss by overdose.
My specific intentions for writing it were to:
Help others who have experienced complicated grief.
Give hope by illustrating the relationship I continue to have with my son.
Showcase the supporting role my dogs played in my healing.
Right after Kevin died in 2015, I was slogging through my grief. I had no interest in the things I did before he died and mostly just spent my time trying to figure out how I was going to live in a world without him in it.
Most people who have grieved a loved one know that grief has a way of slowing life down and lining up priorities. After Kevin died, I was thrust into that slow pace and my two Golden Retrievers, Manny and Tripp, stayed by my side constantly.
One of the few reasons I would even leave my house was to take them for a walk in the woods. Every day the three of us would walk silently along the trails. In my life, before Kevin died, I had always loved walking in nature, but I was also busy with life and would be in more of a hurry to check it off my to-do list.
During the grief walks, I was moving slowly. Of course, it wasn’t intentional, my grief weighed on me like a lead blanket, forcing me to slow down.
I stopped when Manny and Tripp stopped. I watched them sniff plants and dried pine needles. I’d be walking behind them and they’d turn to check on me, making sure I was still with them. I would hear the water moving in the stream, the birds chirping, the leaves rustling. I looked where they were looking to see what they were seeing.
During these walks, I would have brief moments of feeling calm. I simply walked and observed with my senses. At first, this slow observation practice got me out of my head for short moments and then, they gradually became longer. Looking back now, I can see that I was doing my own version of a walking meditation guided by my dogs.
From the day I learned Kevin had died, my dogs knew there was something wrong. I knew this to be true because their behavior reflected mine. They had both been used to training and exercising 5-6 days per week, but right away they had read my energy and they too became subdued, gentle, and quiet. They spent their days lying alongside me and coming right to me when I’d start sobbing. The fact that they were able to understand my feelings and support me in a way I needed was, and still is, remarkable to me.
My dogs got me thinking… if they were able to use their senses to understand and communicate with me, then maybe I could connect on some level with Kevin?
What started out as a time to sit with my thoughts and cry in Kevin’s bedroom became so much more. It was during that quiet time of inward contemplation when I started to gain insight into my grief, to connect with Kevin on a spiritual level, and begin the process of healing.
Ultimately it was the relationship with Manny and Tripp that taught me what the first step of my healing journey was. In the beginning, alI I could see was darkness, but they showed me that we don’t necessarily need words to connect.
Through our other senses, we have access to the undeniable, energetic bond that we have with anything we love. It was the bond between a human and two canines that spotlighted the capability of having deep, meaningful relationships where we learn to communicate in a different way.
Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin:A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here. To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com.
For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook groupand click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.
Traditionally when we turn the page on the calendar to February thoughts of Valentines’s Day- candlelight dinners, chocolates, roses and wine come to mind. But for me, the month of February brings thoughts of fish tacos, margaritas and palm trees.
I live in New Hampshire so by the time February rolls around, I am done with the cold temps and snow, ready to head someplace warm.
For ten days in February, I am on island time without a dog.
When I have a puppy, I do what I can to ensure they will be able to handle being separated from me with minimal stress. How do I do that?
Find a trusted dog sitter
Periodically have one night sleepovers at the dog sitter’s house
In general, socializing a puppy is about having good experiences so that they learn to view their world as safe. Socializing puppies dramatically reduces fears and builds resilience helping to ensure a happier life for your dog.
I have been very fortunate over the years to have had excellent dog sitters. From my retired parents to friends who are dog savvy, all of them have taken my dogs into their homes while I was away.
It made my vacations so much more relaxing because
I knew my dogs were not stressed
I knew they were actually having fun (proof is in the video updates)
My newest dog Rune was a puppy in 2020 during Covid-19 lockdowns. Although I was unable to go on vacation, I still made sure he stayed overnight at several different houses during his first year of puppyhood. Then, at a year old, I boarded him at a kennel facility for two days for the sole purpose of having the experience of playing, eating, sleeping and being groomed away from home.
A few one-night stays during that first year will help make the location more familiar and will make the eventual week-long stay less stressful (and hopefully fun) for them.
Your dog will be like “I know this place, I’ve been here a few times before, it’s pretty cool!”
The bottom line is, having sleepovers during your puppy’s first year helps normalize the experience. When a puppy is comfortable in their environment they are happier. You will feel good knowing that you have done what you can to help emotionally prepare your puppy (and eventual adult dog) for time spent apart.
Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin:A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here. To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com.
For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook groupand click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.
On this day six years ago my son Kevin passed away. Ever since, I’ve been committed to learning how to continue our relationship –albeit in a different way.
I was receiving some undeniable signs from Kevin but I wanted to hear more. I needed validation that signs from the deceased were even possible. Could we still be connected or was it wishful thinking on my part?
I mean it felt like him.
The signs that I had received were either funny (just like him), or as an answer to a question I asked him, or just a perfectly timed hello. Like the day I was alone talking to him while setting up the Christmas tree.
I had felt him give me a nudge to set up the tree for him. After the tree was all set up, I stood looking at it and got the urge to check the attic for more ornaments. It seemed like there were some missing.
I went up to the attic but couldn’t find another box. I can’t explain why but I opened the box marked Christmas wrapping paper. Surely there wouldn’t be any ornaments inside with the paper and ribbons.
Yet, sitting on top of the rolls of paper was the penguin ornament Kevin had given me when he was a teenager. The penguin was waving, standing on a cloud, with a small red jingle bell hanging off it. Inside the cloud, it said Merry Christmas, Mom! (See photo of the Kevin Tree).
I felt all those urges from him guiding me with little bread crumbs so I could find that ornament wishing me a Merry Christmas. Our first Christmas without him.
Fast forward a couple of years when I became involved with Helping Parents Heal, a support group for parents who have had a child or children pass. They openly discussed the afterlife and signs from our kids.
At one of the meetings, they had a spiritual medium as a guest speaker to give the audience a better idea of what they do. She referred to loved ones in spirit as being on the other side of the veil. She said “Even though we are unable to see them like we used to, their energy is still around us. Love never dies.”
I was ready. I did some research and booked a reading.
While my intent is not to try and convince anyone to seek out a medium, I’d like to share one of my experiences that proved to me that, without a doubt, Kevin is around me and listening.
Most mediums will tell you that our loved ones who have crossed can hear us when we talk to them and not to worry, they are not too busy to reply! They respond to us in a way we can understand if we slow down enough to notice what snags our attention.
In those early days of grief after Kevin died, it was my dogs Manny and Tripp who were the only ones who were able to reach me. They were the ones who showed me how to move forward which is explained in more detail in my upcoming memoir: Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way coming out in 2022.
It was two years after Kevin’s passing when I had to make the agonizing decision to have Tripp euthanized. He was in renal failure at six years old and he was letting me know it was time to say goodbye.
I sat on the floor of the vet office and held his head in my lap and stroked his head. I started talking to Kevin out loud asking him to promise me he would welcome Tripp and take care of him until I got there.
I said, “Kev, please send me a sign letting me know he’s safe with you.”
Tripp was six years old when he died.
He took his last breath in my arms and I heard myself saying out loud. “Please send me a… a daisy. A daisy to let me know you have him.”
The idea for the daisy seemed to come out of nowhere. It just popped into my head.
It was the middle of winter and I thought “Where am I gonna see a daisy?”
A few days later I reminded Kevin about the daisy and I was looking forward to hearing from him. That afternoon I picked up a book I had been reading and the last line of the chapter was “Whoops a daisy!”.
Every day for a week I got a daisy as a sign. The last daisy I received was on the front of the sympathy card my veterinarian sent me.
I had booked a reading with a medium named Tina several months before Tripp had died and it happened to be scheduled shortly after he passed. The night before the reading I sat alone in my room and asked Kevin out loud to please bring Tripp when he showed up for the reading with Tina.
“Kev, make sure you bring Tripp. Please don’t forget.”
I was really pressing the issue and realized I needed to make sure Kevin knew I wanted him there too.
I laughed and said, “Kev, it goes without saying that I want you to show up too!”
I had this conversation right before I turned the light out and went to sleep. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my husband about our “conversation.”
Here are some of the specific lines from the reading I had with Tina the very next day (which I have in a recording):
“Do you know why… I know this sounds really wild, but do you know why daisies are important? They are showing me a field of daisies.”
“You have a lot of animal energy around you and you have a child showing me the daisies as a conformation to something.”
“You talk to your son all the time. You have an ongoing communication that you are really trusting.”
“What is with the daisies?! He’s showing me daisies again.”
“He’s laughing, he’s saying you almost miss the dog more than him right now. He says there is some truth to this statement and you were hoping an animal would come through today. Trust me, this does not happen in every reading!”
“He’s laughing,” she says and cups her hands like she’s holding a megaphone and says, ‘He says he’s got the dog!’”
While some may think I might have been offended by her relaying missing the dog more than my son, the fact was I did feel a little guilty that I had come across that way when talking to Kevin the night before. It would be just like him to call me out on it and make a joke of it.
I felt so light and peaceful afterward. That reading validated what I already knew which was that I am being heard and he does respond with signs.
To honor Kevin I created a Kevin Tree that is on display 365 days per year in my kitchen, the heart of my home. I’ve placed items that were special to him, some that represent moments we’ve shared together and special items that represent some of the incredible signs he has given me over the years. It is a living testament to the relationship we continue to share and a reminder that love never dies.
The Kevin Tree
Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin:A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here. To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com.
For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook groupand click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.
When I was six years old my first-grade teacher, Ms. T., stood by my desk and berated me in front of the whole class when I started counting on my fingers to get the answer to a math problem. She had expected me to do it in my head.
As a result, I spent a lot of time in class being afraid of getting the answer wrong.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t learn math, or that doing it was going to physically hurt me, the problem was that early negative experience.
My negative experience + at an impressionable age = negative emotions around math.
And it stuck.
Dogs may never have fear around math, but they can be fearful around ordinary sights and soundslikea bag blowing across a parking lot or the beeping sound of a truck backing up.
Most of us have seen a dog express emotions of love, joy, excitement, playfulness and contentment. On the flip side, they also can feel and express anxiety, anger, shyness and fear.
Small amounts of short-term stress are an inevitable part of life, but when it’s prolonged or recurring, it becomes detrimental to the dog’s emotional health.
When a dog perceives he is being threatened, harmed, or attacked it sets off a physiological reaction called the “fight or flight” response. If the dog is unable to escape the situation he may switch to fight mode. The intensity of either response can vary depending on the circumstances and prior history.
The good news is we have the ability to dramatically reduce what a dog perceives as scary.
8 week old puppy + begin socializing = A happier puppy and adult dog!
Learn 3 things that will influence your puppy’s happiness here.
If my 1st-grade teacher had handled things differently, would I have grown up to have a career in numbers? Probably not… and luckily for me, dogs don’t need to learn math.
Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin:A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here. To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com.
For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook groupand click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.
