Tag: grief and loss

Posted on

Do You Know About National Kevin Day?

October 3rd is the BIG DAY and we are celebrating!!! 

This is the day my memoir, Life After Kevin; A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way, will be released.

It is also the seventh year anniversary of Kevin’s passing.

Why would I choose this day, of all days, to release it?

Because I wanted it to be a reminder that I can create opportunities to spread hope even on the hardest of days. 

One of the many things I’ve learned since Kevin has passed is that I need to make the decision to be open to experiencing joy and celebration.

You’ll need to read the book to know how it all happened, but what I can tell you is that Kevin, Manny and Tripp guided me every step of the way. 

They helped me understand that although it is important to grieve, it is also important to say YES to joy when it comes. 

The epilogue’s message and title idea came from Kevin. When he was little he would say “How about yes?” when he wanted something and wasn’t sure how I would answer.

I use how about yes as my litmus test to see how something I’m considering feels in my gut. The October 3rd date felt like a yes.

Shortly after I decided, I called my publisher to give her the date, and I learned that every October 3rd is National Kevin Day!

That was my thumbs-up sign from Kevin he was happy I was inviting some light into a day that has been dark for several years. 

And being able to say YES to that is certainly something to celebrate!

I never forget on October 3rd was the day I lost my son. 

I never forget how hard those first days or years were. 

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t trade to have him back. 

But in the last seven years since his passing, I’ve made a choice to welcome joy. 

I’ve made a choice that October 3rd won’t just be a day to acknowledge my loss, but to honor Kevin’s life and to celebrate all that he was and all that he gave to the world. 

Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to honor all who Kevin was than the way he’s captured in Life After Kevin. 

Because of his presence in this book, he gets to live on a little longer and continue to make a positive impact on this world.  

Here are some additional things we are excited about:

  • The three Signature talks I’ve created to present in person or online are based on the themes of my book:  
    1. Human-Canine connection: How dogs help us in times of grief
    2. Continued Love & Connection Across the Veil: 10 ways to nurture a relationship with deceased loved ones
    3. Hiding No More: Shining a light on stigma
  • The Golden Retriever Club of America’s two-page review of Life After Kevin in the next issue of the GRNews magazine!
  • An online Zoom book launch party on October 11th at 7:00 pm EST! And you’re invited!
    Grab your favorite adult beverage and join us on Zoom for some fun. My book coach Ally will be emceeing our time together where I will be sharing behind-the-scenes details, some of my favorite passages and inspiring takeaways. We will also have audience Q&A and giveaways!

Link to join the party on Zoom: http://www.susan-lynch.com/launchpartyzoom

  • The impactful reader reviews that have been coming in:

“I introduced a friend with serious health issues to your story and gave her your book. Your gift goes beyond the story of losing a child. My friend is finding peace about life and loss as she reads your book. Thank you. ♥️” -Deb

“…a gift to the world!” -Katherine

“…This book is for anyone that has a deep connection to their pets. It is also for anyone who believes or wants to believe, in signs from a loved one who has crossed over from this earth. -Sarah

I hope that on October 3rd you’ll be asking yourself your own “How about yes?” to something in your life you’re pondering and choose to include some joy even when life is unpredictable and hard.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

Following Their Lead

Five years after my son Kevin died, I decided to write my story in Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way. I wanted to share what I’d learned in hopes that it could help someone else on a similar path or give someone insight to child loss by overdose.

My specific intentions for writing it were to:

  1. Help others who have experienced complicated grief.
  2. Give hope by illustrating the relationship I continue to have with my son.
  3. Showcase the supporting role my dogs played in my healing.

Right after Kevin died in 2015, I was slogging through my grief. I had no interest in the things I did before he died and mostly just spent my time trying to figure out how I was going to live in a world without him in it.

Most people who have grieved a loved one know that grief has a way of slowing life down and lining up priorities. After Kevin died, I was thrust into that slow pace and my two Golden Retrievers, Manny and Tripp, stayed by my side constantly.

One of the few reasons I would even leave my house was to take them for a walk in the woods. Every day the three of us would walk silently along the trails. In my life, before Kevin died, I had always loved walking in nature, but I was also busy with life and would be in more of a hurry to check it off my to-do list. 

During the grief walks, I was moving slowly. Of course, it wasn’t intentional, my grief weighed on me like a lead blanket, forcing me to slow down.

I stopped when Manny and Tripp stopped. I watched them sniff plants and dried pine needles. I’d be walking behind them and they’d turn to check on me, making sure I was still with them. I would hear the water moving in the stream, the birds chirping, the leaves rustling. I looked where they were looking to see what they were seeing.

During these walks, I would have brief moments of feeling calm. I simply walked and observed with my senses. At first, this slow observation practice got me out of my head for short moments and then, they gradually became longer. Looking back now, I can see that I was doing my own version of a walking meditation guided by my dogs.

From the day I learned Kevin had died, my dogs knew there was something wrong. I knew this to be true because their behavior reflected mine. They had both been used to training and exercising 5-6 days per week, but right away they had read my energy and they too became subdued, gentle, and quiet. They spent their days lying alongside me and coming right to me when I’d start sobbing. The fact that they were able to understand my feelings and support me in a way I needed was, and still is, remarkable to me. 

My dogs got me thinking… if they were able to use their senses to understand and communicate with me, then maybe I could connect on some level with Kevin?

What started out as a time to sit with my thoughts and cry in Kevin’s bedroom became so much more. It was during that quiet time of inward contemplation when I started to gain insight into my grief, to connect with Kevin on a spiritual level, and begin the process of healing.

Ultimately it was the relationship with Manny and Tripp that taught me what the first step of my healing journey was. In the beginning, alI I could see was darkness, but they showed me that we don’t necessarily need words to connect.

Through our other senses, we have access to the undeniable, energetic bond that we have with anything we love. It was the bond between a human and two canines that spotlighted the capability of having deep, meaningful relationships where we learn to communicate in a different way.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

Communicating with Loved Ones on the Other Side of the Veil

On this day six years ago my son Kevin passed away. Ever since, I’ve been committed to learning how to continue our relationship –albeit in a different way.

I was receiving some undeniable signs from Kevin but I wanted to hear more. I needed validation that signs from the deceased were even possible. Could we still be connected or was it wishful thinking on my part? 

I mean it felt like him. 

The signs that I had received were either funny (just like him), or as an answer to a question I asked him, or just a perfectly timed hello. Like the day I was alone talking to him while setting up the Christmas tree. 

I had felt him give me a nudge to set up the tree for him. After the tree was all set up, I stood looking at it and got the urge to check the attic for more ornaments. It seemed like there were some missing. 

I went up to the attic but couldn’t find another box. I can’t explain why but I opened the box marked Christmas wrapping paper. Surely there wouldn’t be any ornaments inside with the paper and ribbons.

Yet, sitting on top of the rolls of paper was the penguin ornament Kevin had given me when he was a teenager. The penguin was waving, standing on a cloud, with a small red jingle bell hanging off it. Inside the cloud, it said Merry Christmas, Mom! (See photo of the Kevin Tree). 

I felt all those urges from him guiding me with little bread crumbs so I could find that ornament wishing me a Merry Christmas. Our first Christmas without him.

Fast forward a couple of years when I became involved with Helping Parents Heal, a support group for parents who have had a child or children pass. They openly discussed the afterlife and signs from our kids. 

At one of the meetings, they had a spiritual medium as a guest speaker to give the audience a better idea of what they do. She referred to loved ones in spirit as being on the other side of the veil. She said “Even though we are unable to see them like we used to, their energy is still around us. Love never dies.” 

I was ready. I did some research and booked a reading.

While my intent is not to try and convince anyone to seek out a medium, I’d like to share one of my experiences that proved to me that, without a doubt, Kevin is around me and listening. 

Most mediums will tell you that our loved ones who have crossed can hear us when we talk to them and not to worry, they are not too busy to reply! They respond to us in a way we can understand if we slow down enough to notice what snags our attention.  

In those early days of grief after Kevin died, it was my dogs Manny and Tripp who were the only ones who were able to reach me. They were the ones who showed me how to move forward which is explained in more detail in my upcoming memoir: Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way coming out in 2022. 

It was two years after Kevin’s passing when I had to make the agonizing decision to have Tripp euthanized. He was in renal failure at six years old and he was letting me know it was time to say goodbye. 

I sat on the floor of the vet office and held his head in my lap and stroked his head. I started talking to Kevin out loud asking him to promise me he would welcome Tripp and take care of him until I got there. 

I said, “Kev, please send me a sign letting me know he’s safe with you.” 

Tripp was six years old when he died.

He took his last breath in my arms and I heard myself saying out loud. “Please send me a… a daisy. A daisy to let me know you have him.”

The idea for the daisy seemed to come out of nowhere. It just popped into my head. 

It was the middle of winter and I thought “Where am I gonna see a daisy?” 

A few days later I reminded Kevin about the daisy and I was looking forward to hearing from him. That afternoon I picked up a book I had been reading and the last line of the chapter was “Whoops a daisy!”. 

Every day for a week I got a daisy as a sign. The last daisy I received was on the front of the sympathy card my veterinarian sent me.

I had booked a reading with a medium named Tina several months before Tripp had died and it happened to be scheduled shortly after he passed. The night before the reading I sat alone in my room and asked Kevin out loud to please bring Tripp when he showed up for the reading with Tina. 

“Kev, make sure you bring Tripp. Please don’t forget.”

I was really pressing the issue and realized I needed to make sure Kevin knew I wanted him there too. 

I laughed and said, “Kev, it goes without saying that I want you to show up too!”

I had this conversation right before I turned the light out and went to sleep. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my husband about our “conversation.”

Here are some of the specific lines from the reading I had with Tina the very next day (which I have in a recording):

“Do you know why… I know this sounds really wild, but do you know why daisies are important? They are showing me a field of daisies.”

“You have a lot of animal energy around you and you have a child showing me the daisies as a conformation to something.”

“You talk to your son all the time. You have an ongoing communication that you are really trusting.”

“What is with the daisies?! He’s showing me daisies again.”

“He’s laughing, he’s saying you almost miss the dog more than him right now. He says there is some truth to this statement and you were hoping an animal would come through today. Trust me, this does not happen in every reading!”

“He’s laughing,” she says and cups her hands like she’s holding a megaphone and says, ‘He says he’s got the dog!’”

While some may think I might have been offended by her relaying missing the dog more than my son, the fact was I did feel a little guilty that I had come across that way when talking to Kevin the night before. It would be just like him to call me out on it and make a joke of it. 

I felt so light and peaceful afterward. That reading validated what I already knew which was that I am being heard and he does respond with signs.

 
To honor Kevin I created a Kevin Tree that is on display 365 days per year in my kitchen, the heart of my home. I’ve placed items that were special to him, some that represent moments we’ve shared together and special items that represent some of the incredible signs he has given me over the years. It is a living testament to the relationship we continue to share and a reminder that love never dies.

The Kevin Tree

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

Remembering With More Love Than Pain

A friend of mine once told me “If something seems beyond your capability right now, save it for your future self”.

When my son Kevin died of an accidental overdose on October 3, 2015, my life was shattered. Just thinking of him brought on feelings of unimaginable pain. Desperate for peace, I embarked on a deep dive into a spiritual journey where I learned about myself, the afterlife, and how to bring forth Kevin’s essence in all that I do. Little did I know my dogs would also be a huge part of my healing.

In my upcoming memoir: Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way, I talk about the moment I had my first shift. 

It was a few months after Kevin had passed. I was putting my shoes on and asked my dogs out loud “Do you guys wanna go for a walk?” Tripp’s face had an expression much like Scooby-Doo anticipating a Scooby snack.  

I reacted with a giggle for the first time in months and it felt good. 

Eventually, I was able to think of Kevin with more love than pain. Even the times when he was on the edge of being naughty are funny to me now. When he was in kindergarten, I remember him testing our patience with a couple of swears. I had read in a parenting book not to make it into a big deal. 

“Mommy, is dammit a swear?” 
“Um, Yes, Kev, it’s a swear”
“OK, so I shouldn’t say dammit, right Mommy?”
“No, you shouldn’t”
OK, Mommy, I won’t say dammit anymore”.

Then there was the middle finger discussion sometime around six years old.

“Daddy, is this a swear?” Kevin asked while pointing just his middle finger to the side.
“Well, not really, but it’s not nice”.
“Ok, is this a swear?” pointing his middle finger down toward the floor.
“No, but it’s not nice Kev, so you shouldn’t do it”.
“But this is a swear, right?”, slowly turning his middle finger up.
“Yes, Kev, that is a swear”.
“OK, but not this way, right?”, quickly turning his middle finger to the side hoping to offset any trouble he might have gotten into by pointing it up.

Humor was the very essence of Kevin and when I laugh I can feel him laughing with me.

Kevin Lynch (8/3/1990 – 10/3/2015)

Dr. Melissa Morks talks about laughter and grief in this 3-minute video. In her bereavement therapy with clients, she will ask them “What did you do with your loved one for fun? What did they do to make you smile?” 

She says, “When we focus on how we enjoyed each other we feel closer to them”.

When a loved one dies, there’s no way around the pain. But, after we’ve cried an ocean of tears, we can start to participate in our healing. We can teach ourselves to look for the small seeds of love that help us shift just a little bit. Love can be whatever feels good: a giggle, the companionship of our dog, or a sign from our loved one. These seeds of love are small rays of light that act as breadcrumbs, leading us out of the darkness and toward our future selves. 


Today, my mantra is Joy and laughter are in alignment with my true nature and I honor Kevin by openly expressing them.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

TTT Designs, v1.0.74