For the past twenty years, my husband Tom hosts a lobster and filet mignon dinner for both sides of our family.
I say Tom hosts because I don’t do any of the work.
Really.
The mothers who attend call it “The Mother’s Day Extravaganza.” We moms chat amongst ourselves sipping wine while the dads prepare the food, set the table, cook, and clean up.
The first Mother’s Day after my son Kevin died, I wasn’t at all sure I wanted to be a part of a gathering, never mind an extravaganza, but I felt the urge to try, so I relented.
On the morning of Mother’s Day, I remember sipping my coffee and watching a pair of yellow finches having their breakfast. I found watching the birds peaceful so I had a feeder installed right outside my kitchen window. I remember leaning against the counter, lost in my thoughts of Kevin when a striking bird of black and white with a bright red chest appeared.
Rose-breasted grosbeak among the heart-shaped leaves of my Katsura tree (photo credit Rich Lynch)
I felt it had to be a sign from Kevin. After all, I had been thinking of him just as this rose-breasted grosbeak showed up. I had only ever seen pictures of one and went right to my bookshelf and pulled out Animal Speak, by Ted Andrews. I thumbed through the dictionary of bird symbolism until I got to the grosbeak.
“The keynote of the rose-breasted grosbeak is the healing of the family heart. This totem can help teach us to heal all of the old wounds and hurts of family origin.”
And there it was.
I stood in awe knowing that Kevin had found a way to let me know he was with me that day, sending me the grosbeak as encouragement, letting me know that healing was possible. Tom did host Mother’s Day dinner that year and that sign was what helped me get through the day.
I have experienced another six Mother’s Days since then and what I can tell you for certain is that healing in grief is possible but it is not something we ever complete.
Healing is an ongoing state of mind that happens when we choose to open ourselves up to the possibility of it – even if we don’t think we can.
For a lot of mothers, Mother’s Day is filled with longing for what used to be. If this is you and the thought of healing is beyond what you are capable of right now, try tucking the idea away for your future self.
Why?
Because being open to the possibility nurtures hope.
“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson
Please join me in raising a glass in honor of all the mothers who are hurting this Mother’s Day, who no longer have their son or daughter in their lives because of either their death, mental illness, or estrangement.
My wish is that you will be open to healing and eventually remember your child with more love than pain.
Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com.
For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.
Beautiful and inspiring!
Thank you Meghan!
Oh, my, Susan…this really speaks to me. Thankfully, my children are alive and well…and I cannot imagine the grief of losing one. You are such an inspiration to us all!
Thank you Betsy.
Beautiful. Love getting signs. Brings peace. Happy Mother’s Day!! Enjoy your Mother’s Day Extravaganza!!
Thanks Judy!
❤️
I felt the same way when my mom died when I was young. I didn’t want to go to other Mother’s Day gatherings that family members hosted. I’d rather work that day or stay busy doing something else to distract myself.
I was visited by a pair of Cardinal birds outside my office window. They were peering in as if they wanted me to come outside 😃
They suddenly became regular visitors.
I took it as a side to stop hiding in my grief and honor my mom by celebrating with others on that day.
I later found out that Cardinals had similar symbolism that someone you lost is always with you.
I’m glad you found some peace with this day as I have.
Hi Jim, I’m so glad the cardinals showed up for you and you followed their message. We grieve at our own pace but it’s really special and comforting to get a gentle nudge to help us along our way. Thank you for sharing.
Susan- your writing is exquisite. I feel as if I am sitting with a friend who is sharing her heart with me.
Thank you so much for saying so Terry. xo
Your words touch everyone’s heart Susan. Kevin must be so proud of you ❤
Thank you Michele!
Your words touch everyone’s hearts Susan. Kevin must be so proud of you❤
Thank you for sharing. Beautiful.
Thank you Wendy.
Thinking of you this weekend may the love of the day fill your heart space wherever it needs the space filled.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for sending this Mothers day wish.
You are right, the rose-breasted Grosbeak is a
Beautiful bird with a great message of healing.
Love you, Mom
Xoxoxo
I don’t know if this appropriate but while I was in hospital very recently my beloved golden died. She was 2 mos shy of 15 yrs old. She was always at my side through extremely difficult times dealing with my husband’s alzheimer’s. I was transferred from the hospital to a rehab hospital for the next 5 wks. My new room was on the 1st floor and had a large window with a beautiful bush outside. I looked out the 1st morning and there was a pair of cardinals. I firmly believe they were telling me Sally was all right. I didn’t see them again.
It is so fitting that Sally would let you know she was well. I am so glad you got that sign at a time when you really needed to know. She was a special girl. Love to you. ❤️
Beautiful words of hope for healing
Thank you
❤️❤️❤️