Author: Susan Lynch

Posted on

What do you say to someone grieving other than “I’m sorry for your loss”? 

So often we find expressing condolences challenging, especially to the newly bereaved. We want to say something that will help but we are at a loss for what to say. We worry that we will make things worse.

I hear it all the time…I didn’t want to bring him up because I didn’t want to remind you. 

Here is an important thing to remember … anyone newly bereaved is pretty much always thinking of their deceased loved one. You don’t have to worry because it’s impossible to “remind” them!

What gave me solace after my son Kevin died, were the stories that friends and family shared about him. Even if it was just a couple of sentences in a card. It felt comforting to know people would remember him for his friendliness and sense of humor. In my memoir, there is a scene where a friend tells Matthew (Kevin’s brother) a story that has him laughing out loud. We were among a crowd and although I couldn’t see Matthew, I heard him laugh from across the room. I remember thinking someone must have told him a funny story about Kevin.

Not sure how to go about it? Try starting the sentence with “My favorite memory of (insert name) is…”

 Focus on the positive. 

  • Think of a character trait of the deceased that touched you. Were they thoughtful, generous, friendly, or funny? Maybe they were passionate about playing cards on Friday nights. Maybe they loved fishing or had a signature dish they made every Christmas that you looked forward to. 
  • Whatever reminds you of the deceased can help you choose the story to tell. 

However mundane it might sound to you, chances are, it will mean so much to the person grieving.  

An experience I had with someone who reached out years later…

Recently, a friend of Kevin’s (who I’ve never met) messaged me on Facebook. She wrote to tell me she had found herself hanging out with Paul Simon’s daughter the night before (Wowza I know!). She went on to say that when she got home all she wanted to do was tell Kevin about it, imagining all the funny things he might have said. Instead, she reached out and shared it with me to let me know she was missing and thinking about him. 

I responded by thanking her for reaching out, saying how much he and I both loved to dance to Paul Simon when he was little. She went on to say “He had great taste in music. We went to a music festival with him once and ended up losing track of him many times over the weekend because he was always in the crowd making friends with a few hundred people! He never met a stranger, that’s for sure.”

This actually made me laugh out loud because that was so like Kevin! I could just picture him falling behind because he was chatting it up with strangers. 

I proceeded to share my story of “losing” Kevin when he was young.

When Kevin was about 10 years old we went to watch his brother’s middle school wrestling tournament in Lawrence, MA. It was in a huge gym with about 100 kids from area schools. His brother was wrestling, Kevin was watching the matches, my husband was assisting as a coach, and I was in the bleachers. Time goes by and I realize I haven’t seen Kevin in a while so I climb up to the top of the bleachers to have a better vantage point. I spot him. Here he comes, one foot in front of the other, gliding past the bleachers like a statue on wheels. I zip down the bleachers and am ready to give him an earful for not checking in sooner but I get distracted when I see he is wearing a pair of Heelys (Kevin didn’t own a pair of Heelys). 

The sole of a Heeley sneaker

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Kev, whose Heelys are those? 

Kevin: Some kid I met. 

Me: Where are your sneakers?

Kevin: (looking around) Ummmmm???

Me: How did you get someone you don’t know to lend you his Heelys?

Kevin: (shoulder shrug) I don’t know, you know how you just get talking to someone?

Kevin returned the Heelys to the kid but since he was all over the gym it was hard to remember exactly where he took his sneakers off… 

Leaving the tournament on that snowy February afternoon, I remember Tom giving shoeless Kevin a piggyback to the car.

The whole exchange left us both feeling grateful to have connected with each of us having a new story to treasure.

Posted on

Shining a Light on the Stigma of Overdose

The CDC estimates more than 107,000 people died of a drug overdose in the 12-month period ending August 2022.

These are staggering numbers but when someone you love dies from an overdose, it is no longer just a statistic.

It becomes very personal.

My 25-year-old son Kevin died in 2015 from an accidental overdose. 

I couldn’t tell people he died without the person asking me questions.

Kevin and Susan in 2009, college move-in day 

From the bereaved family’s perspective, it feels like anyone who asks “What happened?” wants to leapfrog over the fact their loved one just died. 

Stigma complicates grief and adds to isolation. At a time when families need the most support, they end up suffering in silence for fear of judgment. 

I write about my personal struggle with this stigma and what I went through to heal in my memoir Life After Kevin. 

If there is one thing I’d want people to take away from my own journey, it is this:

Shame is the emotion we feel due to the stigma surrounding how a person dies. Shame keeps families suffering in silence. 

In light of Overdose Awareness, and all those who have lost someone this way, I’m offering my own suggestions of the do’s and don’ts when you know someone who has experienced the death of a loved one from an overdose.

What NOT to do:

  • If the cause of death isn’t made known, that’s intentional. Do not ask probing questions about the cause of death or what happened. 
  • Never begin a sentence with  “At least” or “You should”.  At least you have other children, At least he had 25 beautiful years, You should keep busy, You should be past this by now…
  • Don’t judge the situation or family. Period. 

What TO do:

  • When someone tells you their loved one died, give them your condolences and PAUSE. Hold the space by expressing your sympathy and compassion. Let them know you are there for them. 
  • Respect the family’s right to privately come to terms with their circumstances. If they want to talk, just listen. 
  • If you knew the person who died, consider sharing verbally or writing out a memory or favorite quality about them. 

When we think in terms of “good” and “bad” ways to die, we inadvertently minimize the value of the person’s life. Let’s give the families our support by rethinking our responses. 

Posted on

Gifts: In and Out of the Box

As long as there are moose antlers (the tender tops), large Huggle Hound balls, and a couple of fleece Lambchop toys in my dog’s toybox, they’re happy campers.

Of course, their toybox is full of other toys that are met with a “meh” attitude but I can’t bring myself to toss them because I think: maybe someday they’ll play with them.

But one of the things I’ve learned from watching my dogs play is that they only engage with what they find fun or interesting.

In this season of my life, I am learning more and more to join them in that mindset. As I watch Ripple wade through the “meh” toys to find a treasure, I think, he’ll know it when he finds it.  

But on this particular day, whatever he was looking for wasn’t in the box. 

Sometimes what we are searching for requires us to look “outside the box.”

Life changes as we get older. We go from parenting small children to being empty nesters. We have career changes and relationship changes.

So, why wouldn’t our interests shift? 

After my son Kevin died, I tried going back to competition dog sports. It had been a passion of mine for over 20 years, but the competing part just wasn’t working for me anymore. I knew my dogs were still going to be a huge part of my life but I felt I needed to pivot. I started thinking maybe volunteering with them might be a better fit.

And it was.

Being a therapy dog team with my dog Manny made me feel good. 

By focusing on my core interests, I could tweak, or add little things to redefine what interests me and brings me joy 

  • saying yes to a Beagle puppy 
  • taking a class 
  • writing and speaking about what I’ve learned

Making small out of the box shifts led to a couple of BIG ones that also made me feel good

New seasons in life bring an opportunity to try on your old life and see what still fits. Is what you’ve been doing for X number of years still fun? 

If the answer is YES, then yippee!

If you’re thinking ‘not so much’ or ‘no, it’s not fun anymore’ then it might be time to look outside the box for ways to pivot, or to try something new. Find what brings you joy in this season of your life and see what gifts come.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

How Breed Characteristics Impact Training a Puppy

My son Kevin used to say “How about yes?” when he was little and was trying to keep me from saying “no.” I now ask myself how about yes when making a decision so I can see how it feels in my gut before saying noIcannotpossiblydothat. 

As a result, I’ve said yes more often which has resulted in some really wonderful experiences.

My latest “how about yes” decision happened this summer when I brought my first Beagle puppy home. I’ve always loved the breed’s looks, size, and funny temperament, but I have shied away from getting one for years because I heard they were untrainable. 

For the record, all my puppies up until now have been Golden Retrievers and a Pembroke Corgi. Regardless of breed, I always teach them:

  • Impulse control (e.g. wait before eating meals, coming out of the crate, etc.)
  • Come when called
  • Sit/down stays
  • Walking nicely on a leash

After I brought the Beagle home, I had more than a few people tell me “Beagles are not trainable like a Golden.” 

And you know what? They were right!  A Beagle is different from a Golden Retriever because Beagles were bred to do different things.  However, that doesn’t make them untrainable.

Contrary to the independent tendencies of Beagles, I’ve also learned they are quick learners and very affectionate. They like to jump and mine likes to toss his toys in the air. Beagle fans describe their personality as “merry” which is the perfect description!

Ripple @ 6 months old being his merry self

The American Kennel Club (AKC) has a Breed Trait & Characteristics chart for every recognized purebred dog breed. Understanding a breed’s purpose can help tremendously with understanding what their behavior tendencies will be, which helps in our approach to training them. 

The AKC catagorizes dog breeds into 7 groups which are:

  • Hound
  • Sporting
  • Non-Sporting
  • Working 
  • Terrier
  • Herding
  • Toy

Beagles, for example, are scent hounds bred to work in packs to help humans hunt rabbits. They have been bred for this purpose for several hundred years so it’s hardwired in them!

The question becomes, what general information can we get about our dogs from what they were bred to do? In the case of Ripple, I can glean that Beagles:

  1. are good with other dogs 
  2. work independently from humans 
  3. are going to follow their nose

I can use this information to make certain adjustments when training Ripple versus how I’ve trained Rune and every Golden Retriever before him. Ripple wouldn’t come to me when I was on the floor with my arms open like Rune would. I needed to make sure I was doing something interesting so Ripple would want to come over to investigate. For example, I might drag a stuffed toy on the ground to get him curious which works with their desire to chase small animals. 

Of course, every puppy is different. When Rune was seven months old, I would let him drag his long-line attached to his harness because he had a pretty consistent recall by then. Ripple is now seven months old but because the breed’s tendency is to follow its nose and run, I am still holding onto it. Given more practice, Ripple will also have a reliable recall.

With some background on your breed of choice, some flexibility, and patience, you can better train your puppy to meet your lifestyle needs. Follow along with the training of my Beagle puppy “Ripple” in the Life with Rune Facebook group.

Ripple @ 11 weeks old

If you dig a little deeper into a breed, you can learn about the purpose of the physical characteristics of their structure, coat, tail, ears, and size which helps add more color to your understanding.

Did you know these Beagle fun facts?

  • The purpose of their long ears is to stir up tiny scent molecules near the ground and act to “sweep” the scent toward their nose.
  • Beagles make a lot of noise called baying when chasing rabbits so the hunter can follow the pack even when they’re out of sight.
  • A Beagle’s white-tipped tail is known as a “flag” because it is easy to spot in tall grass and vegetation.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

Do You Know About National Kevin Day?

October 3rd is the BIG DAY and we are celebrating!!! 

This is the day my memoir, Life After Kevin; A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way, will be released.

It is also the seventh year anniversary of Kevin’s passing.

Why would I choose this day, of all days, to release it?

Because I wanted it to be a reminder that I can create opportunities to spread hope even on the hardest of days. 

One of the many things I’ve learned since Kevin has passed is that I need to make the decision to be open to experiencing joy and celebration.

You’ll need to read the book to know how it all happened, but what I can tell you is that Kevin, Manny and Tripp guided me every step of the way. 

They helped me understand that although it is important to grieve, it is also important to say YES to joy when it comes. 

The epilogue’s message and title idea came from Kevin. When he was little he would say “How about yes?” when he wanted something and wasn’t sure how I would answer.

I use how about yes as my litmus test to see how something I’m considering feels in my gut. The October 3rd date felt like a yes.

Shortly after I decided, I called my publisher to give her the date, and I learned that every October 3rd is National Kevin Day!

That was my thumbs-up sign from Kevin he was happy I was inviting some light into a day that has been dark for several years. 

And being able to say YES to that is certainly something to celebrate!

I never forget on October 3rd was the day I lost my son. 

I never forget how hard those first days or years were. 

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t trade to have him back. 

But in the last seven years since his passing, I’ve made a choice to welcome joy. 

I’ve made a choice that October 3rd won’t just be a day to acknowledge my loss, but to honor Kevin’s life and to celebrate all that he was and all that he gave to the world. 

Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to honor all who Kevin was than the way he’s captured in Life After Kevin. 

Because of his presence in this book, he gets to live on a little longer and continue to make a positive impact on this world.  

Here are some additional things we are excited about:

  • The three Signature talks I’ve created to present in person or online are based on the themes of my book:  
    1. Human-Canine connection: How dogs help us in times of grief
    2. Continued Love & Connection Across the Veil: 10 ways to nurture a relationship with deceased loved ones
    3. Hiding No More: Shining a light on stigma
  • The Golden Retriever Club of America’s two-page review of Life After Kevin in the next issue of the GRNews magazine!
  • An online Zoom book launch party on October 11th at 7:00 pm EST! And you’re invited!
    Grab your favorite adult beverage and join us on Zoom for some fun. My book coach Ally will be emceeing our time together where I will be sharing behind-the-scenes details, some of my favorite passages and inspiring takeaways. We will also have audience Q&A and giveaways!

Link to join the party on Zoom: http://www.susan-lynch.com/launchpartyzoom

  • The impactful reader reviews that have been coming in:

“I introduced a friend with serious health issues to your story and gave her your book. Your gift goes beyond the story of losing a child. My friend is finding peace about life and loss as she reads your book. Thank you. ♥️” -Deb

“…a gift to the world!” -Katherine

“…This book is for anyone that has a deep connection to their pets. It is also for anyone who believes or wants to believe, in signs from a loved one who has crossed over from this earth. -Sarah

I hope that on October 3rd you’ll be asking yourself your own “How about yes?” to something in your life you’re pondering and choose to include some joy even when life is unpredictable and hard.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

Marijuana Poisoning in Dogs on the Rise: What to Know

There has been a huge increase in veterinary emergency room visits due to dogs getting into their owner’s stash of weed. 

The Animal Poison Control Center reported a staggering 765% increase in calls about pets ingesting marijuana in 2019, compared with the same period the previous year. 

Because marijuana is legal, or somewhat legal, in most states, this is a problem now more than ever. Marijuana’s availability in many forms adds to the possibility.  Marijuana can be in the form of edibles, rubs, vape pens, patches, as well as the old-fashioned joint.

You might be asking yourself if you have to be aware even if you don’t have marijuana in your home.

Yes, you do.

I normally do not post or write about medical situations but I feel compelled to share my recent experience to make puppy owners aware of this potential problem.

Here’s the story:

I am going to begin with the end: Ripple is fully recovered and he’s fine!

Tom (my husband) and I took our boat with Rune and Ripple to a lake and shortly after we had the boat in the water, a thunderstorm started. There were a few boats that had all made a quick dash to the boat ramp so instead of waiting in the water, we decided to throw out the anchor and get on land to wait out the rain. 

Waiting for the rain to end

Just behind where we were standing was a campfire site that I checked for obvious hazards like broken glass and trash of which there were none. I kept both dogs on leash while we waited out the rain.

Shortly after this photo was taken, Ripple had picked up what looked like a cigarette filter in his mouth. I swiped my finger in his mouth to get it out and tossed it aside not wanting to touch it. 

The rain eventually stopped and we all went for a swim and finished our outing meandering around the lake on the boat. Ripple slept in the boat which was nothing out of the ordinary after some swimming.

While we were getting the boat onto the trailer, Ripple was acting lethargic which I assumed was from too much activity but by the time we got home, it was clear something was very wrong. 

When I took him out of the car he was staggering and couldn’t hold his head up. I called my veterinarian’s office and was giving the vet his symptoms when Ripple vomited. 

A friend of mine had experienced water intoxication with her dog and because Ripple was experiencing similar symptoms and had been swimming, I was convinced that was the problem. 

I relayed the information to the veterinarian and she had me put honey on Ripple’s gums but it didn’t rouse him. 

I took his temperature and it was only 98 degrees (normal dog temp range is 100-102). The veterinarian then instructed us to take him to the ER hospital.

The first thing the triage nurse said was “Could he have gotten into any marijuana?”

“No, we were on a boat and he was swimming” I replied.

“He is experiencing classic signs of marijuana ingestion. He is critical so I am going to take him to the doctor to be evaluated.”

Sitting in the waiting room I remembered the filter he had in his mouth. I reached for my phone and pulled up Google and typed in filters for joints. This is the image that came up which is exactly what it looked like.

I showed the triage nurse the image of the filter. She nodded and said “Yup, that (the filter) will do it. We see it all the time. We treat at least three cases every day (usually dogs) who have eaten some form of marijuana.”

How Ripple was treated:

Ripple spent the night in the ER. His temperature dropped to 95 degrees so he was put in a warmer to bring his temp up, given lipids intravenously, and then subcutaneous fluids before he came home. 

He responded quickly to the lipid therapy which was the determining factor that it was in fact marijuana ingestion. There are no lingering effects and he is fully recovered.

The moral of the story:

The bottom line is that a puppy is always going to pick stuff up no matter how vigilant we are. It’s important to realize that because of their small size, they are at a greater risk of having a severe reaction. 

A puppy could put his nose in a visitor’s purse and find their gummies. Walking your dog on the road, they could find a discarded vape pen cartridge. Or, like in Ripple’s case, they could find a discarded joint filter. 

Knowing the symptoms of marijuana ingestion can help you be more aware of potential exposure and get prompt treatment for your puppy. 

  • Staggering, drunklike walking
  • Dribbling urine
  • Decreased body temperature
  • Shaking or tremors
  • Vomiting

What to do if you suspect ingestion:

  • Bring your puppy to the veterinarian immediately. The small size of a puppy makes them more susceptible to the worst-case scenarios which can be seizures and coma.
  • It is helpful to relay the time your puppy ingested the drug so the veterinarian can determine how to proceed with treatment.
  • If you have any packaging from the drug source (including labels) bring it with you to the veterinarian.
  • If the puppy ingested the weed via food such as pot butter or brownies make sure you let them know that as well.

Veterinarians are there to treat your pet, not judge you. Be honest with them in giving any information so they can get your puppy safe and comfortable as quickly as possible.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

When walking a puppy, which is better, a harness or a buckle collar?

I get asked this question a lot. My answer is that both are useful, it just depends on what kind of walk I am going on. Or better said, the objective of the walk– even if it’s just to burn off some puppy energy, can help determine whether a harness or buckle collar will be best. 

A word of caution: Whatever you do, DO NOT make the mistake of letting your puppy outside of an enclosed area “naked” (meaning without some sort of leash). I can promise you, there will be a time when they’re doing well with their training and you suddenly see them initiate a game of “keep away” (dogs find this game fun but humans do not!). If your pup isn’t on some sort of long line you will have no way to stop it and get your pup to come to you. When you allow the behavior you are training the behavior. You don’t want to inadvertently train your puppy to NOT come to you!

Let’s take this past Monday. Here in New Hampshire, it was going to be in the mid-90s. I mean, most of the country has been in an awful heat wave–high 90s into the triple digits–and New Hampshire has been no exception. I decided to walk early in the morning in some nearby woods to avoid the hottest part of the day.

This was a walk to release some energy and have fun, requiring a body harness attached to a 20-foot long-line. Every time I’m taking a puppy on a walk for exploration purposes, I’m going to choose a harness and long line so I get some recall practice in. 

The critical piece here is that I knew the objective of my walk ahead of time. The objective of the walk informs the decisions around a collar/leash or harness/long-line. So, my tip: 

BEFORE you choose, think about what you’re going to work on.

If you’re going to be teaching your puppy to be right next to you (eg.: walking into puppy class or the veterinarian’s office), then choose a buckle collar attached to a 6-foot leash. 

If you’re going to take your puppy out to potty in the yard, walk in the woods, or do anything that requires some sniffing and exploring, use a harness attached to a 20-foot long-line. 

Why? They each have particular advantages. Let’s look at the benefits of each depending on what you are teaching.

HARNESS/LONG-LINE USE:

I use this combination anytime we are outside (including potty time) when I do not require them to be right next to me as in formal leash walking. 

The high points of harness use:

  • A harness distributes the pressure on their chest versus their neck
  • Gives the puppy a safe way to explore
  • Mimics off-leash walking (my eventual goal)
  • Gives me the ability to teach recalls from a distance  

When (not if!) your puppy becomes interested in a smell or some other distraction and forgets they were just following you, you have a way to make them follow through by giving a tug on the long line.

Okay, now back to this past Monday…

Later that same day, Ripple had a puppy kindergarten class. That outing would require him to be close to me while walking into the building and for the class training. This time I used a buckle collar attached to a 6-foot leash.

BUCKLE COLLAR/6-FOOT LEASH USE: 

Walking alongside without pulling is a life skill every dog should know. With a young puppy, I want to establish that when wearing a buckle collar attached to a 6-foot leash, we are walking together–meaning the puppy is to keep close enough to me to keep the leash loose.

The high points of buckle collar use:

  • Better focus and attention from the puppy (because the collar is near the head)
  • Better control when going into buildings or in public
  • Differentiates from the harness: walking close to human vs distance from human

When you know what kind of walk you will be taking, you will always know which collar/leash to use.

Like wine and cheese, the right pairing makes all the difference.

  • Harness + long-line = exploring in the yard, field, or woods and potty time.
  • Buckle collar + 6-foot leash = walking close, as in walking on sidewalks or going into buildings.

To learn the skills you need to teach your own puppy how to walk nicely on a 6-foot leash, come when called and wait when they get too far ahead, join my free Facebook group Life with Rune.

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

Introducing “Ripple” The Beagle

I’ve had and loved Golden Retrievers since I was 12 years old. I LOVE Golden Retrievers but when I started competitive obedience in the late 90s, I started seeing other breeds at dog shows. Consequently, I fell in love with another breed: Beagles. 

About 15 years ago I tried getting a Beagle and chickened out. I kept hearing how hard they were to train and they just followed their nose. Although I loved the cute and merry Beagle personality, I said “no” to the idea of getting one.

Fast forward to just last month, mid-June of 2022. I had my first book signing for my memoir Life After Kevin; A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way at Yankee Golden Retriever Club’s annual specialty dog show. It was the first time I’d been to a dog show in years.

On Sunday afternoon, my friend Mel brought her new puppy Beagle and his brother (yeah, you know where this is going…) by the table to say hi. In between holding the adorable red and white Beagle puppy, I signed books and had meaningful conversations with people who came over to my table. 

I signed each book I sold with the tagline “How about Yes?” which is one of the messages in my book.

How about yes doesn’t mean saying yes to everything, it means when you’re thinking noIcannotpossiblydothis, check in with your heart to see what saying yes might feel like.

So there I was, asking myself How about yes? to add this little Beagle love to my family. I texted my husband, Tom some photos. 

Texting Tom (my husband) while I’m at the dog show to ask if he might like a Beagle in the house.

Here are the photos that accompanied the text. How could he resist this face – and those ears?!

My own answer to this question was a resounding YES.

I felt it in my body. I was beyond excited. 

The only contingent was Rune. I asked Ripple’s breeder if I could take him home with me on a trial run to see how Rune acted with him and she agreed. I made sure we had a gradual introduction since Rune outweighed him by over 60 pounds and I’m happy to say all went well.

This wonderful little Beagle is the latest addition to our family. 

We named him after the Grateful Dead’s song “Ripple.” My son Kevin was a huge Grateful Dead fan and the lyrics dip into life beyond this one on earth. In fact, the idea of setting his ripple into motion is another part of my memoir, Life After Kevin, and certainly, part of the outcome of that ripple effect is the book itself and my being at that dog show. In short, Ripple was the perfect name for this pup. 

I also like to think Ripple is a new layer of motion and momentum inside Life with Rune, helping puppy parents learn how to create a lifelong bond with their dog.

It will be exciting to see how Ripple grows and becomes friends with his big brother Rune. After only two weeks I can tell you that Beagles are SMART and learn quickly!

Please join us in the Life with Rune Facebook group where we document Ripple’s socializing and training progress! We will also be discussing how to do this with an existing dog in the home. 

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

Mother’s Day Wish

For the past twenty years, my husband Tom hosts a lobster and filet mignon dinner for both sides of our family. 

I say Tom hosts because I don’t do any of the work.

Really.

The mothers who attend call it “The Mother’s Day Extravaganza.” We moms chat amongst ourselves sipping wine while the dads prepare the food, set the table, cook, and clean up. 

The first Mother’s Day after my son Kevin died, I wasn’t at all sure I wanted to be a part of a gathering, never mind an extravaganza, but I felt the urge to try, so I relented.

On the morning of Mother’s Day, I remember sipping my coffee and watching a pair of yellow finches having their breakfast. I found watching the birds peaceful so I had a feeder installed right outside my kitchen window. I remember leaning against the counter, lost in my thoughts of Kevin when a striking bird of black and white with a bright red chest appeared.

Rose-breasted grosbeak among the heart-shaped leaves of my Katsura tree (photo credit Rich Lynch)

I felt it had to be a sign from Kevin. After all, I had been thinking of him just as this rose-breasted grosbeak showed up. I had only ever seen pictures of one and went right to my bookshelf and pulled out Animal Speak, by Ted Andrews. I thumbed through the dictionary of bird symbolism until I got to the grosbeak. 

“The keynote of the rose-breasted grosbeak is the healing of the family heart. This totem can help teach us to heal all of the old wounds and hurts of family origin.”

And there it was. 

I stood in awe knowing that Kevin had found a way to let me know he was with me that day, sending me the grosbeak as encouragement, letting me know that healing was possible. Tom did host Mother’s Day dinner that year and that sign was what helped me get through the day. 

I have experienced another six Mother’s Days since then and what I can tell you for certain is that healing in grief is possible but it is not something we ever complete. 

Healing is an ongoing state of mind that happens when we choose to open ourselves up to the possibility of it – even if we don’t think we can.

For a lot of mothers, Mother’s Day is filled with longing for what used to be. If this is you and the thought of healing is beyond what you are capable of right now, try tucking the idea away for your future self. 

Why?

Because being open to the possibility nurtures hope. 

“Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all.”

― Emily Dickinson

Please join me in raising a glass in honor of all the mothers who are hurting this Mother’s Day, who no longer have their son or daughter in their lives because of either their death, mental illness, or estrangement.

My wish is that you will be open to healing and eventually remember your child with more love than pain. 

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

Posted on

What Motivates You To Train Your Puppy?

I often hear people say they find it harder to train their puppy when they reach about six months old.

Six months is around the time when the puppy is pretty close to adult size, stronger and impulsive. 

I’ve heard it many times “My six-month-old puppy acts like she’s forgotten most of what I’ve taught her the past few months!”

“That is really common for this age,” I’ll say reassuringly and follow up with a pep talk reminding them to “be consistent and don’t take it personally”. In other words, their puppy is becoming a teenager.

They look at me, suddenly deflated upon hearing the “teenager” reference. I will then ask them to remember why they got a puppy in the first place. 

What was the motivation that made you want to get a dog?

For some, it’s the beloved memory of a dog from their childhood. For others, it’s for companionship. Some want their kids to grow up with a dog. 

These were my reasons for wanting a dog when I became an adult. 

I grew up twenty minutes outside of Boston, in Burlington, Massachusetts. Back in the ‘70s, it was a small town whose biggest attraction was the Burlington Mall. The town has since exploded with office buildings, restaurants and people but there is, however, a jewel in the south end of town that is still protected called Mary Cummings Park. 

In the 1930s, Mary P. C. Cummings donated a 216-acre parcel of land to the city of Boston (and funds to maintain it) located in Burlington and Woburn, MA. When I was a kid, I would accompany my dad and our young golden retriever, Barney, to Cummings Park to teach Barney how to work the cover to flush wild pheasants. 

Fun fact: My dad and Barney were in Yankee Golden Retriever Club’s field classes in the late 70s and because of what he shared with me as a kid, I took YGRC’s field classes with my first dog in the mid-90s and became hooked on the sport. It has come full circle as I am now one of the co-instructors for YGRC’s 2022 field classes!

According to my dad, there was a sponsored program for kids to grow vegetable gardens in the summer. When autumn came, the corn that wasn’t picked became great feed for the animals. Dad would point out the deer and fox tracks in the mud and we’d often come across large circles of grass that had been flattened from deer bedding down. Those walks with my dad and Barney made the nature around me come to life. 

Fast forward to when I became a mother, I wanted my own kids to have a love of nature and fond memories of their childhood dogs. My kids were six and four years old, so too young to take the brunt of the training that had to be done when our first puppy came home in 1995. I knew the responsibility of our puppy, Bailey, would fall upon me.

Was it a lot? Sure. Raising two young boys and a puppy at the same time was sometimes frustrating. The puppy grew much faster and weighed more than both of them by the puppy’s first birthday. I was also teaching my kids how to be around the puppy and give basic commands. 

Because the dogs were both well trained, they could come with us on nature hikes. 

We eventually got another dog, Luxa, who became Kevin’s favorite. Kevin, Luxa and Bailey Pack Monadnock 2003

Today, I find my motivation still goes back to my love of walking in nature together in the fields and the woods as I did as a kid. I want to be able to have my dog trained and socialized so I can enjoy my dog to the fullest. Somehow sharing the walk with another being who appreciates their surroundings as much as I do makes the walk even better. 

Exploring the reason you wanted to get a dog in the first place can be fuel to draw upon when you are lacking in motivation during your puppy’s all-important first year. Puppy training isn’t linear, it can be two steps forward one step backward. Remember, it’s during the first year when you are providing the social and emotional framework to help create a bond between you and your dog that you will cherish for years to come.  

Susan Lynch is a former competitive dog trainer who has been training, competing and volunteering with her Golden Retrievers since 1995. In 2020, she founded Life with Rune, a Facebook community that documents the socializing and training of her own puppy Rune. In 2021, she was awarded the Rachel Page Elliot Lifetime Achievement award by the Golden Retriever Club of America. Her memoir Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is available here . To learn more, visit: www.susan-lynch.com. 

For socializing ideas and training tips go to the Life with Rune Facebook group and click on the Guides tab at the top of the home page.

TTT Designs, v1.0.74